Monday, December 19, 2005

Happy Birthday to Me!

Yes indeed, I am now 26. Andy, Chops, Adam and I celebrated in fine style last night to the sounds of the Hoo Doo Soul Band at Oldfield's on High. Good times. So yeah, I'm now even older. The only presents I have received so far today are...(pics would be here, but the computer is struggling) Mike Jones-Who Is Mike Jones?, and John Cena & The Trademarc-You Can't See Me. Yes. Thanks Dave! I will try to listen to them rapidly for purposes described below.

(EDIT) The end of the year is upon us. My Top 10 albums of 2005 are now posted on Swizzle-Stick, so please check it out! I am trying to finish writing up my Top 20 for Team Columbus!, so I'll let you know when that list is ready for public viewing.

Also, real Putt-Putt still survives in North Carolina. Yes, it is still awesome. That is all.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Yes, I know, the excitement is basically dripping off the screen...

Womp womp womp. My writing is still slow in coming, but there is a freshly posted blurb about a phantasmagorical rock show at the Ravari Saturday right about here, so read up! Otherwise, I'm just trying to survive this lovely weather. Thanksgiving was good visiting my sister in Berkeley, CA, so I guess I have that to remember fondly. The year is coming to a close, I suppose. I know this because I'm supposed to be handing over lists of the top records of 2005 to both of those fine linked sites on the right, and I haven't made many decisions yet. I've tried to focus my listening on this year's material lately, but I keep getting stuck on The Most Known Hits by Three 6 Mafia, which did come out in 2005 but I suppose doesn't really count. Damnit.

Well, the writing is still not pouring forth, so give me ideas or something, please. And look out for a theoretical interview with Cincinnati's IsWhat?! that should be coming soon.

Monday, November 21, 2005

Hey look, I did another interview!

Please check out my interview with Portland, OR, hip-hop artist Ohmega Watts right here. I also reviewed last week's Apes/Modey Lemon show here. See, I'm doing something, sorta. As you astute motherfuckers may also notice, I have replaced the Vertical Slum link with the Swizzle-Stick link, since I'm writing for the Swizz again and tVS is on hiatus, or in a cocoon, or some witty metaphor. Stay alert. Well, gotta go. I'll write some substance sometime.

Monday, November 14, 2005

Tuesday, November 08, 2005

This One's For Emily

Cuz it's my 127th post, and my sister is borderline-obsessed with the overwhelming occurrence of the digits of my parents' address in nature. Anyhoo, how are y'all? I've been busy and lazy at the saaaame time. While not posting here, I have written an astounding total of 0 articles elsewhere. Well, I did writeup and sendoff email interview questions for Ohmega Watts, a new Ubiquity Records hip-hop artist who happens to be performing tonight at the High Five, but he has not yet responded. So yeah, I have no excuses, just self-loathing, hahahaha. I did vote today, which was fun, and I hope you did too.

R.I.P. Mana "China" Nishiura

As I found out from Pitchfork today, a Friday car accident claimed the life of China Nishiura, the current drummer for DMBQ and a past "support" drummer for Shonen Knife. The accident also injured the rest of DMBQ (whom were all released the same day) and their tour manager. As I wrote back in April, DMBQ put on a great show with China on the drumset. I'm now glad that I saw them while she was still with us. Check the Shonen Knife link above for a full tribute. Sad.

Musical Contemplations - Thunder, Lightning, Strike by The Go Team!

I've listened to this album 3 or 4 times now, and I still don't know what to think. This album, originally released in the UK, was issued here in the United States last month by the powers that be at Columbia Records. I guess someone somewhere has deemed them as having some sort of commercial potential, because this certainly doesn't sound like a major label album. Before I go any further and give you the wrong idea, let me state that I do like the album (Furthermore, any Columbusites digging my review are hereby advised to stop by Used Kids, because the place is currently overrun by $9.75 copies). I don't know how to describe the style. Most tracks are sound collages of old-school hip-hop samples, some soul samples, and 70s-sounding instrumentation. Some of the songs sound like a modern take on 70s easy listening, which is just weird. The last track made me think of Abele (please read this) because it rocks the same sample as "Nikole" by Kurious ("Just like my jeans, my self esteem was saggin"), so huzzah for that! There are some tracks that sound like a mic was left on a chair next to a cheerleading practice, because there are vocals but the volume is very low. Overall, though, the enjoyment level is pretty high for me. If I compose these thoughts better, I'll try this again soon.

Well, I gotta run. Abele, Abby, Evan, and Stacy and I will see Tom Vek and the Mobius Band at the House of Blues in Cleveland Saturday night, which should be exciting. I'll try not to keep you waiting so long next time. Peaces.

Tuesday, October 25, 2005

Funky D: Now With 25% More Journalism!!!

Yeah, I guess it's not that big of a deal, but I'm still kinda excited about the fact that I interviewed a band! The dudes in Bling Kong were nice enough to talk to me over AIM, and it seems as though they will be quite entertaining on Thursday night at Cafe Bourbon Street. Of course, I will be attending the blockbuster Def Leppard/Cheap Trick show with Chops and Renkes beforehand, but those old-timer shows leave plenty of time for rock afterwards. It will be an epic night of rock.

Friday = Unpossibly Brown
On Friday night, I saw the blockbuster bill of The Brown Notes, The Rackets, Chicago's Time Out Drawer, and The Unpossibles at Oldfield's on High. It was a thorough display of rock. Of course the Unpossibles brought it, including some remnants of their ska set last month, like "Gangsters" by the Specials. Time Out Drawer seemed to rock pretty hard, but I didn't hear that much of their set. I had never seen the Rackets before, but they were cool. Since they were clearly thirsty, I bought them some PBRs that appeared to be much appreciated. To close, I finally caught a Brown Notes set (I had been waiting to see "Classic Dork" live for three or so months), and they were good too. Seeing it again wouldn't hurt, though.

Y'all Want the Funk?

It turns out that Sharon Jones & the Dap-Kings are rockin' Ohio the entire weekend of November 4-6. Does anybody want to see them in Cleveland, Toledo, or Cincy? Let me know and we will plan accordingly.

Remember kids, "Y'all can charge it to the game, but keep all the receipts."

Monday, October 17, 2005

Digging this blog out of the shitpile

I must apologize to my loyal readership. When I started this thing back in February of 04, the mission was to chronicle the shows I went to, and add some album reviews and other musical hearsay. I did this pretty well for a long time, if I may say so myself. Of course, because I do attend a fair amount of shows, this got rather tedious at times for both me and you. So lately (the last four months or so), I haven't reviewed at all. Sad. Of course, I've reviewed some shows for Team Columbus!, which has also hindered my desire to review here. As of today, however, I'm gonna try to do better. I won't review every little show I go to, but I will try to do what I can. With that said, on with the show!

Duck and Cover!!!

This Thursday, October 20th, I will again be playing some funk records as a part of Mikey G & The Latino Pimp's Funky Thursdays @ the Ravari Room. Same bat time, same bat channel. Do it good.

On That Sam Cooke Steez
But damn, the Envelope Insignificant Anthems release party (and the album itself) was well worth the wait. The headlining set was a hip-hop musical, with Envelope dressed up as a "Centelope," with a wooden re-creation of a horse's body and a flowing mane. DJ Amos Famous was in an ice cream man get-up and throwing out ice cream and cookies to all. The proceeds were "narra-hosted" by Jeff Fernengel of Tree of Snakes fame. Though there were a bunch of sound problems, the boys succeeded in putting on an entertaining show. Go pick up the album, OK? El Jesus de Magico rocked as they have been lately, and the various DJs throughout the night kicked out various jams, culminating in a crunked-out dance party at the end. Good times.

I Want Candy
Yes indeed, Andy and I succeeded in making it to Athens last Thursday for some Taco John's...and MC Chris!!! The voice star of Sea Lab 2021 and Aqua Teen Hunger Force performed an hour and a half (!!!!!) of his solo raps, various requested bits of his cartoon work, and alot of standup-esque humorous observations on his career and life. It was a pretty good show. His throat was sore, which clearly affected him on alot of his songs, but he was a trooper. The large crowd at The Union was very responsive to his material and his exhortations, and he responded by saying that it was one of the best rooms he had played over his extensive tour. He even performed "Fett's Vette" twice, once with a Star Wars beat and once with the original. Good times. Though we missed openers The Ergs, we did see SNMNMNM, who were a quirky indie-pop band from Chapel Hill. Fine road trip.

Please Please Me
Tuesday was Pleaseeasaur at the High Five with Dave. As I wrote back in May, Mr. Saur was quite enjoyable as the opener for Neil Hamburger. This time he headlined, and it was another funny set. I don't know that we saw any new songs, but it was still hilarious. 1-800-NO-PROB-LIMO! Various members of local comedy troupe The Perineum were pretty funny to start the night off, and then The Stapler fuzz-rocked us into oblivion. Good stuff for a Tuesday night.

The Sun Always Shines On the Rock Empire
Last Monday, of course, was the fine bill of The Sun, Apollo Sunshine, and Greenlawn Abbey at Little Brothers. All bands put in fine sets. This show marked the release of the Sun's pioneering DVD album. I still haven't watched the videos, so no comment on that I guess. They kicked out all the jams, including an encore with "Say Goodbye" and "Spirit of 72," which I hadn't heard in a loooong time. Ol' Apollo Sunshine was pretty good. This was the eighth time I've seen them, and I still enjoy their sets. Their new music seems to be jammier than before, but it don't bother me none. Jesse (lead singer) had a female audience member come on stage and read the not-so-positive show preview that Stephen Slaybaugh wrote for the Columbus Alive. I thought it was funny. Greenlawn Abbey opened with another good set of indie-pop-rock. I need to see those dudes more often.

Well, this post has taken almost two hours, including bouts with Internet distraction and hunger pangs. I'll try to stay on the job.

Wednesday, October 05, 2005


The tickets for MC Chris at The Union on Thursday, October 13 (Next Thursday) are NOW ON SALE! I can put together an order for the people that are serious about it. With small(er) service charges, the $12 tickets are $14.75 a piece. Holla at a playa ASAP, as I'd like to order these by Friday. Right now I'm counting on Andy and Lee (and myself), assuming Dave is working. And...GO!

Monday, October 03, 2005

Easy as 1-2-3

This is my 123rd post, so thank you for your large part in the revolution. Nevermind. If only I could honestly say, "[muffled]Back then they don't me, now I'm hot they all on me.[\muffled]" Cuz they still don't know me, and I'm not hot. Oh well. The dryer at the Deming-cile sucks. Big red donkey balls. And I'm sweaty. Feh, on to other things.

Week de la Rock
Tonight: Dirty Dozen Brass Band w/ New Basics Brass Band at Little Brothers. Damn, it's hot!
Tuesday: The Capes, Jon Chinn & 1803, Fine Dining at the High Five.
Wednesday: Holopaw, Daedalus, The Black Swans at the High Five.
Thursday: (After catching a sneak preview of Waiting) Sound of Urchin, Black Cat Revival, The Brown Notes at (you guessed it) the High Five.
Friday: Atmosphere/Blueprint instore at Magnolia Thunderpussy
Saturday: Still up in the air. There is a Fiery Furnaces show at the Wexner Center, and there is a Heroes of History/Mors Ontologica/Kola Koca Death Squad show at The Basement (hmmm).
Sunday: Pass out.

Future-er Hype:

Monday, October 10th: The Sun (DVD album release party!), Apollo Sunshine, Greenlawn Abbey at Little Brothers. Damn straight. The album is out (I seen it!), but I will wait to buy it until this show. Will be fun.

Friday, October 14th: Envelope Insignificant Anthems release party w/El Jesus de Magico, etc. Been waiting yeeeeears for this. Better be fun!

Gotta go change laundry. See y'alls on the flipside.

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

I'm Stark RAVARI-ng Mad!

Or I will be if you don't come to the Ravari this Thursday! Yes indeed, folks, here is another late plea for you to come check out some Funky Thursdays action this week with tunes spun by Mikey G, the Latino Pimp, DJ Ginsu (maybe), and myself! As usual, the tunes will start around 10 or 10:30, and there is no cover. Attendance has been light lately, so please come out and have a few drinks so the Funky Thursdays live on!


Yes, the voice of all your favorite cartoon characters, MC Chris, is on tour. Though he is not coming to Columbus, he is playing a show Thursday night, October 13th, in at The Union in Athens. I have some worries about ticketing and whatnot that I will research tomorrow (EDIT: Presales have not started yet, though dumb promotional company asserted otherwise. I will remain vigilant on this task, worry not). Assuming it is a go, however, a fine posse of Andy, Dave, Lee, and myself is currently considering this trek, and I've only known about it for five hours! I'll keep you posted, but if anybody else wants to go for funny nerd-rap and Taco John's, holla!

Also, I think (EDIT: We WILL be there, Renkes got tix today, bitches!) Chops, Renkes, and I will be checking out the rocktastic lineup of Def Leppard and Cheap Trick at Nationwide Arena on Thursday, October 27th. Wow.

Well, someday I'll get around to talking about a bunch of other stuff. Laaaaaaaazyyy.

Monday, September 19, 2005

Since I've Been Gone...

...this blog can breeeeathe for the fiiirst tiiiime. Dammit. Due to what has to be a conspiracy between people in my life (that barely know each other), Kelly's little ditty is now often stuck in my head. My application for cool points will now surely be rejected. Booay hooay hooay.

Last Chance to Dance Trance (perhaps)
Ahhhh, that feels better. Silly rock puns that no one will get. Huzzah. Anyhoo, this one meant something. I am planning on playing records at another Funky Thursday @ The Ravari Room on Thursday, September 29th. Mikey G & the Latino Pimp, the fine hosts of this funky affair, are unsure of the status of their weekly gig after September. Therefore, if you have ever thought about coming out to one of these and have yet to (or if you're a devoted "fan"), please come out next Thursday and support. Bring friends. A strong showing in the attendance department might help them keep the funk going into October and the future. Do it.

Rock Schedule This Week
Tonight: 40 Year-Old Virgin, Lost Boys (maybe) @ Studio 35
Tuesday: (maybe) The National, Clap Your Hands Say Yeah @ Little Bros.
Wednesday: Who Knows???
Thursday: Gito Gito Hustler & The Spunks @ The High Five
Friday: Benevento Russo Duo & Something For Rockets @ The Patio, Indianapolis!
Saturday: (probably) Four Tet, Hot Chip, Koushik @ Grog Shop, Cleveland!
Sunday: Hurricane Katrina Benefit w/ RJD2, Fonosluts, other DJs @ The High Five
(if cousin wins poker and is not too tired) System of a Down, Mars Volta, Hella @ Nationwide Arena

Whew. I'm pumped that Andy and I are gonna see the Duo on Friday. Since I've missed them in Columbus and Cleveland this summer, Indy is my last, semi-close hope. Wish us luck! Saturday will also be interesting, as this decent show is also a reconnaissance mission for an old pal of mine.

Well, that's that. I'm late for the Music Game @ Andy's. See yins later!

Friday, September 09, 2005


After much laziness, I'm trying to tweak the presentation and permanent content of this here blog. Let me know what you think about the new changes (especially if I fucked something up). The other sites I write for do not have indices for particular writers, so look for "Andrew Patton" at Team Columbus, and "A. Patton" at the Slum. Help please: I cannot figure out how to reduce the spacing between lines in the "Elsewheres I Write" or "Blogs" sections in the sidebar. If you have an idea, get at me dog!

Also, if you're looking to rock for a good cause next week, how bout this:

Hurricane Katrina Benefit with

Two Cow Garage
The Blue Revision
What Made Milwaukee Famous (Austin, TX)
Starving Goliath

High Five Bar & Grill
1227 N. High Street
Thursday, September 15th
8 PM Doors, 9 PM Music
Tickets $5

I mean, it's obviously for a good cause, but if you need any more inspiration, I will be there. There ya go.

Thursday, September 01, 2005

Man oh man...

The world is getting scarier fast. You are probably well aware of the catastrophe that is the wake of Hurricane Katrina in the south. Please donate what you can, please. I also just found out that R.L. Burnside died today in Memphis! R.I.P. Plus, there are many musicians in New Orleans that are still unaccounted for, like Fats Domino! Damn. Yes, I have rocked a fair amount in the past week, but I don't even feel like writing about it now. For the .5 of you that don't know and do care, I will tell you that I will NOT be spinning at the Ravari tonight. There are bands scheduled instead. Worry not, Funky Thursdays should be back next week, and I might even pop in then. Well, I am travelling to rural PA and Cleveland this weekend (yeah, great time for it, I know, but the show must go on), so wish me the best. I love all 5 of you.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Sweaty Surprise!

Sweaty? Me, I ran a while ago and I'm stillllll cooling down.

Surprise? I sit down at Chops' computer, and find that he has purchased the Outre Mer soundtrack, recorded completely by Garage a Trois, a jazz-jam-whatever supergroup (Charlie Hunter, Skerik, Stanton Moore, & Mike Dillon) that we love. Chops, that sonofabitch! Oh, and by sonofabitch I mean completely awesome. This soundtrack is already a groovy seagoing good time, which makes sense because I think that's what the movie is too, only French. Peep the Garage a Trois site here and get down, or something else suitably cheesy.

I dunno, though I love to hate frogs, those Frenchies must be getting cool these days. I recently picked up Cliquety Kliqk, the Quannum debut of General Elektriks, this crazy French sorta-hop project dealie. Hard to describe, but funky and hip-hoppy (appearances by new labelmates Lateef and Chief Xcel (Blackalicious) and squelchy and crazy con mucho keyboard. Check it out.

So yeah, my only show (so far) this week was Red Pony Clock (San Diego, mostly) and Heavy Mole (Bustown) at a place called The Lunchington Tuesday night. What an awesome name! It is a recording studio housed in a warehouse in Grandview that must be starting to dabble in the occasional show. RPC was awesome! They are a 10+ member "indie pop orchestra" or something. The description I've been fooling around with is a more slacker, down-to-earth, Latin+Jazz-influenced and less Jim Jones-koolaid-cult Polyphonic Spree. And most songs aren't about sun or light. So OK, I guess the only similarities are playing "pop" and having alot of members. Anyhoo, RPC is more awesome either way. The lead singer was funny, the drummer was hot, the horns were sweet, and they just made me smile. Heavy Mole was also good. They are also "indie pop," though a bit more traditional, with piano and trumpet. They played a "penis trilogy" with two songs. Yes. After they were done, they were joined onstage by most of RPC for a superjam. They played mangled versions of Roy Orbison's "Cryin" (check it out at Heavy Mole's Myspace page, linked above), Temple of the Dog's "Hunger Strike" (DEAR GOD YES!), and Counting Crows' "Mr. Jones" before I called it a night. Awesome time. Thanks to Bob from the Vertical Slum for the heads up.

(UPDATE: Sweaty? Not much anymore, thanks. Surprise? Well, I'm not suprised that this Outre Mer disc is pretty damn sweet all the way through. Now I gotta get my own!)

Well, that's enough writing for me. As far as shows this weekend go, our friends The Unpossibles at Oldfields on High are a possibility for Friday night and the awesome bill of Times New Viking/The Sun/84 Nash at Andyman's is definitely a go for Saturday. Rock, motherfuckers!

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Game Over

What up yo? Sorry I'm still slackin on the blog front. As soon as there is internet available at the new crib, I will hopefully be posting more and updating my template with lotsa links n shit.

We're back, we're back we're back again
Tomorrow night, August 18th, I will again be spinning funk records as a part of Funky Thursdays @ the Ravari Room, 2657 N. High St. It shall start around 10:30 (me spinning around 11:30 or so) and be dope. And, to give you some advance warning, I will also be spinning Thursday, September 1st (also T-bag's birthday), so mark your calendars accordingly. (Note: I sent out an email about this. If you did not receive it and would like to, just email me. Love.)

Hip-Hop, mu'fuckas!
Wow, I definitely hip-hopped about as much as I could last weekend. Of course, Friday night and all of Saturday was spent at Annie's Bar in Cincinnati for Scribble Jam 2005. Andy, Dave and I had a good time, despite tired legs and Mac Lethal (whom I do not hate nearly as much as White Mike, but that's probably a good thing for all involved). I saw some good performances by Prince Paul (well, more of a hip-hop history lesson), I Self Divine, Cryptic One, One Be Lo, Duplexx (Edan & Insight), & Lyrics Born (though I couldn't enjoy that set much because of major league hatin' by my compadres and overall exhaustion). The battles were alot better this year. Justice, a teenager from Australia, won the MC battle, which was pretty good. He had awesome battles with Thesaurus (semis) and Iron Solomon (or whatever the hell is name is) (final). DJ Sparechange from Dayton beat Columbus' own DJ Bombay in the DJ battle. Bombay beat 2-time reigning champion Scratch Bastard in the semis, and Scratch Bastard is now my least favorite fake frog. Bustown what? The other battles were boring.
On Sunday, Dave and I went to Bernies for the last Fonosluts Fuck Hip-Hop Night. If you want to live in a fantasy world where this event hasn't happened yet, read here for my awesome writin stylez. It was crazy. My legs were a bit bloodied from the multitude of broken bottles. I was a sweaty, stank bastard. Daymon aka SoWhat? pulled a cord out of the wall (sparks 'n shit) because they turned on the lights 10 minutes early. Helluva good time. A fond farewell to some Columbus hip-hop soljaz.

Man, I gotta write some more shiznaz here soon. So, imagine more flimsy promises of such right Oh yeah, here's an awesome album I bought at Scribble Jam:

Marinate on the bilingualosity of Giant Panda, bitches (peep their label site here).

Wednesday, August 03, 2005


As many of you may already know because I just spammed you, I will be at the Ravari Room tomorrow night, Thursday August 4th, to play funk records as part of "Funky Thursdays" with Mikey G and the Latino Pimp. Music will start around 10:30 or so, and I will be there around then. You know where the Ravari is, right? Comment below if not. Get some funk on ya!

More Death and Dismay

R.I.P. Bill Moss. Story here.

Monday, August 01, 2005


Yes, I moved this weekend. It was kinda rough, especially when Chops and I moved all the big stuff by ourselves. That's what we get for not having the people skills to convince mass amounts of friends to help, I guess. Anyway, don't expect big amounts of updates anytime soon, OK?

So Rafael Palmeiro got busted for steroids. Fuck. I'm not much of a baseball fan anymore, but when I heard that today, I think something inside me died (I know, cliched as all hell, but these are emotions!) and I almost teared up. I've never been a fan of the Rangers or any other team he's played for, but I always thought of him as a dependable, consistent guy who always quietly took care of business and was a stand-up dude. I guess that's shattered now. At least my cousin made this sweet picture while we were at work today, so I'll leave with you that:

Sunday, July 24, 2005

Grab Them Cakes!

I figured that if I'm gonna come back from my 3+ week absence, I gotta do it in style. Wow, this has taken way too long to happen. My double-digit readership has now surely retreated into the safety of the single-digits, which is sad. But I gotta do what I gotta do. So I'll give you a breakdown of exciting, awesome stuff.

Tremendous Movie, yo

Just saw this today, and it was amazing! I wish Andy was there with me, but "MAMA SAYS IT BEEEEES THAT WAY SOMETIMES!" Soundtrack: killer. Acting: good enough. Cameos: phantasmagorical. Gore: splendiferous. "I give it a 10!"

Downtown Friday Night
Read it here.

Alright, gotta go get laundry. There will be more soon. Thanks for reading.

Friday, July 01, 2005


Wow. I was inspired to write yesterday (but obviously didn't get to it) because I read in this week's Columbus Alive (you know, the one with the best cover ever, pictured below) that Isaac Hayes is a scientologist. What the fuck?!?!??!?!?!? Damn it Isaac, why? "That Shaft is one bad mother-" "Shut yo mouth!" "I'm only talking bout a fucking Scientologist" "Then we can certainly NOT dig it!" Also, today Luther Vandross died! Story here. The soul world is going to shit. At least Chops' mp3 of the 12 minute version of Sheila E & Prince's "A Love Bizarre" is here to console me. Wow, "Frere Jacques" on the bass and everything.

Yeah, sorry I've been disinterested/lazy with this here site lately. I've been writing a few show reviews for good ol' Team Columbus. So you can check my thoughts on Sound of Urchin here, my Government Mule review here, and my Comfest report here. So take that. Don't hold your breath for those other reviews, but they might happen sometime soon. Fireflies on the Fourth of July.

Friday, June 17, 2005

Cleveland...I might as well live there

Yes. I'm leaving in about an hour for another music-related voyage to Cleveland, my 3rd in 9 days. This time, the maxed-out posse of Kehn, Lucas, Katie and I are going to the Beachland for a fine double bill of Sleater-Kinney and Dead Meadow. It should be a tight show. I'm sorry about the delayed update, but I've been pretty busy and y'alls are NOT inspiring me. With that in mind, there will be some interactive blogging this time (read below). Sorry, but sometimes it bes like that.

Journalism HO!
You may remember from a recent update that I am now writing a few reviews for The Vertical Slum. Well, I can now tell you that I have another gig writing for a Columbus-based music website. I am now a proud member of Team Columbus!, a group of writers reviewing and hyping Columbus shows and Columbus bands. Last week's introductory post is here, while my fresh review of Wednesday night's Caesars show is here. Team Columbus is just one of the fine pages under the umbrella of, one of my favorite music sites out there. It is run ably by Mr. Robert Duffy, but I am happy to be able to help him cover Bustown jams. Someday I'll get around to linking it up on the side over there.

Here, loyal reader, is your chance to vote (in the comments link below) for a review of any of these recent shows that I have not had the time or willpower to review. Knowing the comment traffic of this site, anything that gets a vote will get a review written here...soon.

June 12th: ECW Pay-per-view; Bernies
June 11th: Electric Grandmother CD Release Party @ Cafe Bourbon St; Exit Stencil Recordings CMJ BBQ @ Beachland Tavern, Cleveland (Peelander-Z, The New Lou Reeds, Mystery of Two)
June 9th: Digable Planets/Grandmaster Flash/Procussions/Lab Rats @ Agora Ballroom, Cleveland
June 8th: Modest Mouse/Camper van Beethoven @ Promowest Pavilion
June 2nd: The Wrens/Troubled Hubble @ Little Brothers (forgotten during last post)

There you have it. Exercise your American duty, and vote, biatch!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

We got the jazz, we got the jazz

Boomin in ya, boomin in ya, boomin in ya jeep. Sorry, had a serious Tribe craving as I started this post. Maybe it's cuz people are concerned for/tired of Q-Tip all of a sudden. Eh. I did need some Tribe, so it's all good. The rest of this week shalt be busy:
Weds: Modest Mouse/Camper van Beethoven @ Promowest Pavilion
Thurs: Digable Planets/Grandmaster Flash/Procussions/Lab Rats/Whoever @ Agora (Cleveland CMJ Fest)
Fri: Renkes Jam @ Renkes Jamspot
Sat: You know the deal, scroll down for "June 11"
Sun: ECW PPV, 'Kwon wants to go to Bernies afterwards!

OSU Springfest

Damn, this was pretty sweet. I got to the East Oval (I guess) around 5:45, and as I turned the corner towards the stage, the joyous sounds of "Serious Knife Fight" by Tree of Snakes greeted my ears. The boys rocked the sunny, sweaty stage, with crowd assistance on such jams as "I Am Lion" and "Yellow Snow." Next up was Blueprint. As usual, he had a pretty good set of hip-hop entertainment, with assistance from DJ Rare Groove and DJ PRZM on the beatbox. He did alot of tracks from the new album, which is dope, and some remixes and whatnot. My favorite moment was when Bru Lei arrived during "Tramp," a song from the new album where Print tells a story about a tramp that lied about having slept with Bru. After the song, Print apologized for any trouble he might have caused with his fictional tale. Cute. Next up was Mouth of the Architect, a sludgy metal band from Dayton that was decent but a good time to take a break at Mama's Pasta 'n Brew. I came back to the end of Silencio's set, which was some local instrumental rock of average interest. Then came a set of two local bands that share the same drummer: Sweetheart and Dis Yourself. I think Sweetheart was first, and their two man + laptop instrumental rock-techno-jazz jams were cool. Dis Yourself (I think) was good when their thick metal jams were sans vocals, but the screaming kinda killed it for me. It's happened before. Next was Roosevelt Franklin, whose set, though slightly flawed, was probably my favorite of the night. Mr. Len and Kimani were a great comic duo, with Len ripping on Kimani from behind the wheels of steel and Kimani talkin shit, like any good MC would. Sure, Kimani did fuck up my favorite RF song, "Insomnia 411" (though "Muppet Love" and "Kurt Loder" are damn close, obviously), but they were fun, and fun to yell at. And I enjoyed the close of their set, where Mr. Len cued up "The Joker" and the Cheers theme and Kimani yelled at us to sing along. Good times. Next was Thunderbirds Are Now!, a Detroit dance-punk-rock-whatever band that would do well on the radio right about now. A few songs rocked, but their weird over-the-top stage antics were too much to handle. Unless you think a spastic, long-spiky-haired keyboardist walking around his keyboard while holding a chord is rock 'n roll. The Walkmen were the headliners, but despite some promising rock tunes, I ended up bored. The songs ended up lumbering too often and the singer's emotionally-screamed vocals didn't carry alot of weight. Oh well. I had alot of fun.

Saturday night, among my travels, I saw Terribly Empty Pockets and Moviola at Used Kids and Lori at Ravari, and all were good. Something about that night does not lend itself to story-telling.

Crazy Bill To Anticipate

Weds, June 29th, Skullys: Sound of Urchin, Moth, and Stretch Lefty (Release Party?!?). Crazy. I missed SOU a few months ago, and I was pissed. These crazy NYC dudes play wacky rock that can melt faces. Moth is an awesome, former-major label band from Cincy that I've wanted to see live again ever since my first CD101 Low Dough Show, at Flanagan's in '02 (so long ago that I completely forgot about it). And Stretch Lefty is a local reggae/lotsa other stuff band that I've also wanted to check out for a while. This must have coagulated through a billing experiment gone...right.

Well, I'm outie 5 billion. I'm gonna rock out with my cock out for the rest of the week, so wear a body condom!!! "Raow Raow! Like a dungeon dragon!"

Wednesday, June 01, 2005

Keep holdin!

Sorry Naps, no mind-blowing format changes this week. I haven't rocked too much since last week. I did make appearances at the System Link getdown on Weds (with Dave) and the Fonosluts' Memorial Day hip-hop show on Sunday night at Bernies (with Dave and Andy), but I have nothing insightful to say about either, sadly. There are many free shows this weekend, however, that I may or may not attend. Friday is Springfest, the yearly free show put on by OSU's student-run radio station, KBUX. Lotsa good performers, including Blueprint in an early slot (cuz he's playing the Scribble Jam Tour stop in Chicago the same night!!!), Roosevelt Franklin, Tree of Snakes, and headlined by the Walkmen. Saturday is a BYOCocktail party at Used Kids featuring Moviola and Terribly Empty Pockets, and also Hempfest on campus, including an 8:30 set from Illogic. Looks like a good time to me.

June 11th
As the faithful few already know, June 11th, 2005, is shaping up to be one of the greatest days of...the history of the world. In case you are being caught unawares and would like details, I will break it down in detail for you:

~11 AM: Wake up after thoroughly enjoying the Renkes' graduation/house-warming party, which will have been deejayed by yours' truly.
11:30 AM: Leave for Cleveland. This will be the weekend of the CMJ Minifest in that fair town. To make sure their hometown is represented properly, Exit Stencil Recordings is hosting a free BBQ/Showcase at the Beachland Tavern! The first band, Mystery of Two, is on at 1:00, but we don't know enough about them to leave that early.
2:00 PM: New Lou Reeds at BBQ.
3:00 PM: Peelander-Z at BBQ!
4:00 PM: Roue at BBQ!
5:00 PM: Leave for Columbus.
~7:30 PM: Clippers game. This is the shaky part. WWE Superstar Mick Foley is signing autographs at the game! No, THAT's not the shaky part. At press time, we are unsure whether Mr. Foley is appearing before/during/after the game. Obviously, since the game is a 7:05 start, a pregame appearance would conflict with the drive back from Cleveland.
~11:00 PM: Electric Grandmother Release Party for PEE SELLS...BUT WHO'S BUYING? at Cafe Bourbon Street. Wow, it's gonna be awesome! The Columbus-based sitcom-core pioneer will celebrate his 32-track, 65-minute epic with a bill that also includes the Ocean Ghosts, the Squares, and Johnny La Rock & Mush Mouth.

As you can see, June 11th will be the best day ever. GET READY!

June 7th

Sure, some other chumps like Coldplay and the White Stripes may be releasing albums next week, but if all goes according to plan, this coming Tuesday will also mark the release of Blame it On the Youth by Columbus' The Sun. If you don't know, start reading here. Or maybe check out the official site here. That's a fancy major label site right there. Anyhoo, this album has been liberally leaked (and burnt copies have been sold in stores), so I can honestly say that I like it alot. Even the softer, sweeter songs are nice, but most of the tunes rock pretty hard, one way or another. There are a few holdovers from the old EPs, but not too many. As a guy who has been a fan for over two years, I think you should buy the hell out of it! Now! And let's pray it's not delayed.

Wednesday, May 25, 2005

Well, I always do what Andy sez...

Even if it takes three days. Things have gone well since we last spoke. I deejayed a campus party on Friday night, like the bigshot I am. Other than some drunken douchebags demanding "rap" and scratching on my records, it went well. Dime-a-dog Night at the Coop on Monday was awesome (obviously), and the free listening parties/screenings at Skully's the last two nights (Gorillaz album Mon night, Common album AND Freestyle DVD Tues) were also rather sweet. Davekwon and I will venture to High Five tonight for the latest System Link jam, another "Hook and Sling" funk/soul dance party. Plans are still in development to see The Fucking Champs/Zombi/Boyjazz show in Cleveland Friday night, as Twyman is currently in the process of "manning up." Oh shit, almost forgot...

Major Announcement

Once again, a Funky D appearance at the Ravari is CANCELLED. It looks like I will not be spinning May 31, as the Ravari booking folk are being shady lately, I guess, and started scheduling bands on Tuesdays instead of maintaining the fine tradition of Wicked Lung & Wookalar's Smell the Vinyl night. We'll see what unravels in the future, and I'll keep you posted.

Hot Damn

On Saturday night, Renkes and I travelled to Cleveland for a rockabilly (sorta) show of epic proportions. It was the release party for Atomic Horsepower, the new album from Cleveland's Capgun Cowboys. The Cowboys feature Phil Verhoef (on acoustic guitar and trombone), who is a frat brother of ours. Anyhoo, they rocked the Beachland Tavern mightily! Some old jams, and plenty of new jams. They featured a couple of guests, including an attractive "electric fiddle" player from Columbus. Great stuff. Before and after their set, The Pussyfoot Girls, a burlesque troupe from Cleveland, "entertained" by dancing to old rock songs and wearing weird skimpy outfits. The show was officially headlined by rockabilly superstar Deke Dickerson and his Ecco-phonics. He came in on a mini-bike, which was fucking awesome. They had a bunch of great songs, including a fine anti-vegetarianism tune called "What's That Cookin?," but sadly we had to leave early to get back to Bustown. Phil is moving out to LA very soon to become a doctor of some sort, so we're glad we caught him/them while we could.


A week ago, Andy, Dave and I caught what is likely to be the funniest live performance all year, anywhere. This, of course, was the fine touring bill of Neil Hamburger and Pleaseeasaur at Bernies. Wow. For an awesome writeup, please read Andy's account here. I will simply tell you that these two performers were both hilarious. I first heard of Neil Hamburger about 4 years ago, so this show was a long time coming (Chops and I thought about a Cleveland show last year, but it was too much). Oh yeah, Chops should have been there. FUCK OSU! Anyway, Neil did not disappoint. I had heard some of the jokes before, but seeing them in person more than made up for that. And Pleaseeasaur was just crazy. Lotsa costume changes, funny slides (what the hell is purling, anyway?), and wacky stage presence. Quote of the night: "Actually, I'm Michael W. Smith, and this song is called 'I Hate Dog Shit.'" Wow. Check out both of these acts sometime.

Well, successfully updated again. I'm contemplating buying a new computer, which would facilitate more consistent updating, so if any loyal fans wanna contribute financially to this effort, HOLLA AT A PLAYA!!! Also, for future planning, June 11th may end up being the rockinest day in the annals of rock, so be prepared. Still working on making this site more entertaining (and comment-inducing), so hold your heads!

Tuesday, May 17, 2005

It was all good just two weeks ago...

Dayum. I hope you've enjoyed your two week vacation from this lonely blog. I've seen shows, been to places as far away as Washington, DC and Springfield, Ohio, and...other excitement. Actually, the real excitement is tomorrow night:

Neil Hamburger, "America's Funnyman," will be thrilling an audience of many, hopefully including Chops, Davekwon, and myself, at Bernie's Distillery here in Columbus. I can't think of a better place to see this show. Damn, it's gonna be awesome. And there's always the possibility of seeing Dick Dale on Thurs night. We'll see. Now...NEWS!!!

Return to the Ravari
Two weeks from tonight, Tuesday May 31st, I will be rocking the Ravari again with Wicked Lung & Wookalar. More funk, jazz, hip-hop, rock, and whatevz to be played. Be there, or DIE!

This Honky's Got Journalistic Integrity
Jeah. I'm now a "staff member" at The Vertical Slum, a fine Columbus-based music e-zine with record reviews and stuff. So check out the brand new TVS #9, This Monkey's Gone To Heaven, where the staff feature is little writeups on musicians who died before their time. My choice? Big L, of course. I also review the new Edan and By Divine Right (Ha! Got you good, you fucker!) albums, so check it out. I also have a snappy profile right here. Wow.

As mentioned two weeks ago, on the night of the 4th I wanted to see Electric Six and VHS or Beta at Skully's. I only managed to see VHS or Beta, and they rocked the faces of all, including Davekwon's (first time) and my own (umpteenth). Good ol Cinco de Cuatro. On Cinco de Mayo, I made it to Little Bros to see the end of the System Link MC Battle (Meta4ce didn't really win, him and Faus just decided to cypher at the end of their rounds and say fuck a battle). I also saw a set by Envelope & Amos Famous (though they rocked Fresh Prince beats, the crowd seemed disinterested) and an intimate set from Declaime/Dudley Perkins (w/J. Rawls on the decks) where he rapped and sang standing on the floor in front of 10-15 of us. Short, but cool.

Last Monday night Renkes and I got to see Garbage while I was covering the show for another music-type site here in town (Soon, allllll will be reveeeeeaaaaallllleed). Openers The Dead 60s were lame. Garbage did what they do, some sort of sultry despair, pretty well. More to come. I guess I didn't attend another show until Chops and I saw the grand Black Box event at Ruby Tuesdays on Saturday night. Many local bands rocked for a good cause.

0. Missed Times New Viking.
1. Arrived during Terribly Empty Pockets, they were good.
2. Heroes of History slayed everyone. Seriously though, as a hardcore Heroes fan (Kyle basically told me I was one, so there!), it was a good set and I liked the new material. Can't wait for the album!
3. The Blue Revision continued to slay.
4. Mors Ontologica crooned and careened aboot, unleashing their horn(y) rock upon us.
5. Necropolis' set was the best I'd ever seen from them. I was unimpressed the last time, but this time I was rocked into submission.
6. El Jesus de Magico rocked another quirky set. Maybe not as good as the Bring It! set, but still good.

1. Fuck Ticketmaster. I just got tickets for my cousin and I to see Modest Mouse and Camper van Beethoven at Promowest in June. The tickets were $25 a piece, which was bad enough. But the service charges, when I even avoided another charge for having printable tickets??? $17.50. Daaamn, that's some shit. Say it with me kids: MO-NO-PO-LY.

2. Fuck "Insider" Bars. I went to a certain bar near 5th and High Sunday night to see a band that includes a friend of mine. I had confirmed the show an hour earlier. Well, I got there, and there was no music on and nothing being set up. Also, the 6 or so staff and regulars drinking at the bar and watching TV gradually turn around to stare at me. Stupid. It turns out that the band decided not to show (probably due to the fact that there were no other bands slated to play with them), the bartender told me nicely. But everyone else there acted like I was a big intrusion on their (likely) paid night of "working" or hanging out, just because I showed up to a show that had been cancelled minutes before and that I should obviously be aware of. Stupid.

Now I feel better. I'll try to update more often. Pinky swear.

Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Like a boss

What up, bredren? Chillin, chillin. Things are pretty good ova here. I should be seeing Electric Six and VHS or Beta at Skullys tomorrow night, and the System Link MC battle featuring performances by Envelope and Dudley Perkins/Declaime (!?!?!?!?!?!) at Little Brothers on Thursday, so that will be a good setup for my weekend in DC! Good times. And oh yeah, here's some quick music discoveries, courtesy of my quarterly stop at Borders: Waylon Jennings has a son named Shooter who released an album two months ago called Put the "O" Back in Country. Awesome. Because life is fucking hard, the listening station at Borders, Amazon, and All Music (OK, maybe the last two are this computer's fault) have thwarted me in my attempts to sample this album, so maybe someday I'll hear it. Fuck. And oh yeah, Special Ed and US3 appear to have come out with albums in the past year. Goooood.

This Computer/The Internet Are Sapping My Soul

On Saturday, Andy and I attended the Blue Revision Release Party for Day Terrors at Cafe Bourbon Street. A bunch of other bands opened, but all we caught were the headliners and part of Times New Viking's set, which was aiight. Blue Revision rocked pretty hard. Their sound is a sort of dark rock, with some electronics and whatnot. They can rock pretty hard, just give em a chance. I'm listening to the rekkid right now, and it's pretty good. Bustown what!?

Wednesday, Todd and I went down to ye olde Promowest Pavilion for Muse and Razorlight. Way too many youngsters whose rocksticles have yet to drop attended the show, dammit. Oh well, it was fun. Razorlight was kinda lame. The band did nothing too exciting, and the music made me think of O'Springsteen lite at times. Also, the lead singer's mic blew and everyone involved seemed unable to solve this problem (like, you know, use another mic!), which didn't help. Luckily, Muse came on and rocked faces! They played the hits, and other stuff, and just unleashed an emotional maelstrom of moody rawk. I liked it.

Tuesday, Ashley, Andy and I ventured to the new Maximillian'z on Bethel for local faves The New Basics Brass Band. The boys rocked the place hard with horn funk, as they always do. They should be dropping an album in June sometime, according to their website, so check it out!

So I think I hit .500 for Aprock. Pretty good, if I may say so myself. Well, I'm tired and my technological hatred is welling up within me, so I suppose I should get out of here. I should be writing for some of them websites sometime soon maybe, so I'll keep y'all posted. Rock.

Monday, April 25, 2005

"And watch me break em with the 7, 7-11, 7-11, 7 even back door Little Joe"

Though that title is in reference to the seven shows I saw in an eleven day period, it also works because it comes from "It Was a Good Day" by Ice Cube, a classic song that samples what could be an even better song, "Footprints Part 1 & 2" by the Isley Brothers, a fact I discovered on Thursday and a tune Chops and I have been humming since. It is also a tune that our new band, The Funky Beer Situation, will be learning and then pounding into the funky ground. I got a bari sax bitch, look out!

Cuz I'm Fast (Fast) Like Deion Sanders...
On Wednesday the 13th, Tom (from work), Davekwon and I went to Little Brothers for Living Legends (sans Murs), J-Live, Pigeon John, the Lab Rats, and DJ Derek Johnson, who opened things up with downtempo dopeness. The Lab Rats hit it quick and hard, and we all got free EPs. Umar Bin Hassan (of the Last Poets and the new Common single, "Corners," which he performed part of) hosted the night, which was a pleasant surprise. Pigeon John was cool at first, but his energy and girl-problem-songs got tiresome. It was dope to finally see J-Live live, especially his scratch and rap at the same time trick. The Legends were also dope, though it was obvious that the tour was sponsored by the LRG clothing brand, as six of the eight folks onstage (7 MCs + 1 DJ) were visibly wearing the brand. Oh well, good show. A more detailed review was written and lost to the e-ages!

On Thursday the 14th, I went by my lonesome to the Thirsty Ear Tavern to see current jazz organ master Joey Defrancesco and his trio make a Bustown appearance. Good stuff, I thought his music might be a bit too schmaltzy for my tastes, but no, they rocked it pretty hard. His drummer, Byron "Wookie" Landham, is a monster. Joey recorded the album pictured above with Jimmy Smith just before he died and is touring in support of it. I don't have time for a major rant here, but he was charging $25!!! No way, there's always Amazon.

Tax Day meant my second Dirtbombs show in two weeks, this time at Little Brothers with Murder Your Darlings again and Columbus' Grafton. All the bands rocked hard, and I got a sweet poster made by local designers Enginehouse 13. The 'Bombs once again failed to play "I'm Through With White Girls," but since Andy didn't make it, it was only right. Adam and I rocked out quite well.

I returned to Little Brothers the next night with Andy for his uncle's band The Ritchey Brothers and The Spikedrivers. Good hippie dancin music. The Ritcheys rock some enjoyable old man jam-jams, and I recommend them to you!

Monday night (18th), Chops and I ventured to Lil Bros for The Apes' grand return to Columbus. We missed Meta4ce and showed up for the end of El Jesus de Magico's set, which was aiight. Then the Apes commenced to rock, weird 70s stylee. Amanda "Majestic Ape" is still hot, I had to add that. They had snappy homemade costumes. They kicked out some organ-bass jams, and the drummer is a fuckin' beast. The singer was in all white and caught the drummer in the head with a tambourine toss. Great stuff the Apes are.

4-20 was a busy night. I started out with my grand return (and likely farewell) to WCWS, 90.9 FM Wooster (Fuck some WOO 91 bullshit!) on Double Dee's show. Good times. Lotsa hip-hop, some African funk, some Out-hud, a lil something for everybody. Then I came back and made it to Lil Bros in time for The 45s, a fine garage rock band from Atlanta. They came out with all guns blazin, and kept it up. Awesome. Then I made it to System Link's "Hook and Sling" funk and soul dance party, which had sorta died but was still fonkay. Good night.

Featured Show of the Week

Saturday night, I managed to drag Renkes and Chops to Little Brothers (6 LB shows in 11 days) for Vertical Slum's Bring It!, which brought together four awesome Ohio rawk bands. El Jesus de Magico played my favorite set of theirs so far, and Dayton's Wet Leather rocked their sex rock jams well. Then, Cleveland's Roue hit the stage and melted faces with their heavy attack. Meanwhile, an uber-drunk douchebag in the audience was hitting the peak of his suckitude. Earlier, he had put a chair and a traffic cone onstage during the bands' sets. During Roue's set, he decided to start drinking the band's drinks. Boo. The lead singer noticed this and poured a drink on the guy's head. The drunk processed this for a second, and then threw his (and by his, I mean one of Roue's) beer bottle at the singer! What ensued was maybe my favorite Columbus rock moment ever. The lead singer flew off the stage and onto the idiot, laying the smack down before the fight was broken up and the dude was kicked out. Fuckin awesome. The set might have been a bit short, but it was great. The headliner, Cleveland's This Moment in Black History, then followed with some kickass spaz-punk-core something, which was awesome as usual. Great fucking rock show. Thanks to the Slum for a good time.

Damn, I'm done. Go listen to the new Edan album, Beauty and the Beat, and thank me later. Hopefully I'll finish "Ap(e)rock" strong. Peace in da middle east.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

I got the internet goin nuts

I barely know who this Paul Wall character is, but since that phrase seems to be the cat's patoot these days, there it is. Anyhoo, I, Andrew "Funky D" Patton, am making my grand return to the airwaves of Wooster, Ohio tonight. I will be making an appearance on ol' David "Double D" Drake's show on WCWS 90.9 FM from 8 to 10. I don't know what he's getting into these days, but there will be some hip-hop I'm sure. Since I'm pretty sure most of my audience is NOT in Wooster, tune in here. Otherwise, enjoy some more dated rock reviews. My goal is to be caught up by the weekend.

More like DAAAAMBQ!!!

Really, that's all I got. So let's pick up where we left off. On the 7th, I had a one man mission to check out the shows at the Bourb and Rubys. The main goals of the night were to see DMBQ (above) from Japan and Shell Shag from San Francisco at the Bourb and We March from Athens at Rubys. I started at Cafe Bourbon Street, where The Vulvonics opened. It turns out that they are made up of at least 50% Taco Ninja employees, so I guess Bourb gigs are easy to come by for them. They were OK, but a little too nonsensical for me. After their set, I came to the realization that Shell Shag had cancelled, which seemed very possible all along (NOTE: If any Shell Shag members or "support staff" are reading this, PLEASE do something about your web presence. In my fact-finding mission about this potential show, all of my various google searches could not come up with your site. Instead, I always found my own blog. Cool, but frustrating), so I dipped to Ruby Tuesdays. Originally, our beloved Heroes of History were on this bill, but had to cancel when the cat from hell mauled Kyle the drummer's hands and arms, causing him to pass out and not be able to hold drumsticks for a while. Fucking boo. They were hangin out though, which was cool. Mors Ontologica kicked out their usual saxy jams, which was nice. Sadly, the place kinda cleared out for We March, but they still melted faces. Dirty hardcore/metal action. I'm glad I finally got to see them. You should too, start here. Then I went back to the Bourb for DMBQ. Damn. Four Japanese folks: Three guys with long hair (bassist had a fro with lights coming out of it) and a female drummer. Loud, psychedelic, head-bangin, strangely ethereal jams. The last song seemed to be about 15 minutes. All of a sudden, the guitarist started breaking down the drum set piece by piece and setting it up at the bar. When he had the whole set over there, she started drumming at the bar. The rest of the band went behind the bar, poured her a beer, and she chugged it while everyone cheered. Now there's a show closer! Awesome. Pick up some of their tunes from Estrus or check out the band's site.

On Saturday the 9th, Adam (thanks again, dude!), Keith, April and I went to CD101 Day at Promowest. Local band The Shatters kicked things off, and rocked pretty hard. Adam thinks their drummer (and Promowest's buckets of beer) is/are awesome. Next up was Ash from across the pond somewheres. I don't know what you call this, hard pop or heavy plastic or something. Cuz those were some loud, heavy guitars for "pop." And the chick in the band was hot. I liked it. Then The Bravery came on and did their thing. Not too exciting, but hearing "An Honest Mistake" live was funny. Then, in a super-change-of-pace, Australian poppy troubadour Ben Lee came on with his band. Cheesy feelgood pop. Pretty lame, and I just kept wondering how this wuss ever managed to date Claire Danes. But it was a good setup for...The Dresden Dolls!!! Wow, we were floored by this one. The Boston cabaret pop duo (piano and drums) rocked! Now, their single "Coin-Operated Boy" has a very polar effect on people. Either you love it, or you hate it (or you love it, it drives you insane, and then you hate it). But they turned out to be much different than that song, and cranked out some angsty pop jams. After a fine rendition of their hit (including the rumored raunchy lyrics), they followed it up the only way they knew how...with a rocktastic cover of "War Pigs," muthafucka! Damn, I didn't think it was possible with piano and drums, but it really is. Awesome set. Then, Akron, OH's own The Black Keys rounded out the night with their ass-shakin' two-man garage-blues. Another great set from them. Excellent entertainment for $5.

On Monday the 11th, I spent six hours in and around the Newport checking out bass wonder Victor Wooten and his band. Woof. Since their new record, Soul Circus, came out on Tuesday, he decided they would play until midnight so they could officially sell the record. So it was a three-hour plus funk workout. And at one point he came out with 8 arms on his body. Serious band (still don't like those keyboards, eh), serious tunes. They won me forever by ending with covers of "Can't Hide Love" by Earth Wind & Fire (didn't know the artist/title until that night, now it's officially my favorite EWF song) and "If You Want Me To Stay" by Sly & the Family Stone. Funky music, good people. Check out the Soul Circus, y'all!

The music is rap, my favorite color is math.

Tuesday, April 12, 2005

BDP is definitely serious

(NOTE: This was written on Friday. I'm having serious issues in getting time to type, so here's this stuff before it gets more dated. Enjoy!)

Or at least that's what ol' KRS is telling me right now. Somehow HHS got their shit together and got my big advance order of spring underground hip-hop hotness to me today. I got my Blueprint 1988 CD w/free DJ Rare Groove 1988 Live mix, which is what I'm bumpin' now, and a limited 45 of Printo interpreting some '88 classics: "Print is Goin Off"/"No Half Smokin'." Hot. I also received Edan's Beauty and the Beat w/free "Funky Rhyming" 45 and Tonedeff's Archetype w/free QN5 RMX No. 1 CD, and to reward me for all that, I also got HHS' latest double disc sampler, Preemptive Hype Vol. 6. Ha, "No Half Smokin'" is funny shit. So yeah, I got a lot of listening to do.

I'm talented, yes I'm gifted

On Tuesday night, I rocked the Ravari with Wicked Lung und Wookalar. Since they took March off, it was kinda dead on the first night back, but it was fun. Thanks to Tom (the BOMB), Beltz, Armond and his friend whose name I forgot, Adam, Kehn, Franz, Lucas, Angie, and Chops for showing their faces in the place(s). What did I play? I thought you'd never ask...

Set 1
Stark Reality - Rocket Ship
Connie Price & the Keystones - Sucker Punch
Soulive (remixed by Alan Evans) - S.O.U.L.I.V.E.
Blueprint - Trouble On My Mind
Eric B & Rakim - Paid In Full
MJG - Pimpin' Ain't Easy
Ohio Players- Pack It Up
Billy Brooks - Fourty Days
Thin Lizzy - Black Boys On The Corner
Cymande - Zion I
Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snacks (Rockamental Version)

Set 2
M.O.P. - Pounds Up
EPMD - It's My Thing
Lord Shafiyq - My Mic Is On Fire
Visionaries - If You Can't Say Love
Envelope - I'm Not Poor (I'm Just Broke)
Sly, Slick & Wicked - Sho' Nuff
Marvin Gaye - Trouble Man
Willie Henderson and the Soul Explosions - Soulful Football
Antibalas - Indictment
Ed O.G. & Da Bulldogs - I Gotta Have It
Afrodisiac Sound System - Afroheat #2

Set 3
The Impossibles- Hot Pepper
Chico Hamilton - Big Noise From Winnetka
Jimmy Smith - Funky Broadway

Nobody beats the Biz, yo.

Sunday, April 03, 2005


I guess April 1 is a bad day for major announcements, along with being a bad time for people to die (R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg), so now it's April 3! Ha! Anyhoo, my postponed appearance at le Ravari Room is upon us. THIS TUESDAY, APRIL 5TH, 10:30 - ??? You should know where it is by now, and what kind of awesome jams will be played by Wicked Lung, Wookalar, and myself. I've been buying vinyl out the wazoo, so it's about time I get some use out of it. TUESDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY!!!

"This cat tried to battle, he didn't know me,
So I drowned him out with my tapes on Dolby!"

Word. Last night was the release party for 1988 by Columbus' own Blueprint at Little Brothers. I had to roll solo, but it was still cool. Envelope was the emcee of the festivities, which gives me a good prompt to mention that the release party for his debut full-length, Insignificant Anthems, will be held May 13th at the High Five, with El Jesus de Majico and hip-hop/funk DJs. Finally! First up was Spitball, which was entertaining business as usual. Then came 8076, the seldom-seen duo of Illogic and DJ Walter Rocktight. It seems that they also have a Weightless album coming out "soon," so hopefully by the end of the year. Anyway, the set was a mix of Illogic's more poetic-stuff and the Rocktight-influenced party kinda stuff, so it was good (wow, I'm an eloquent motherfucker). Then Blueprint came out with DJ Rare Groove, both dressed in Adidas gear to celebrate the year of honor, and rocked faces. He performed a good amount of the stuff off the new album, but also some Soul Position material and other jams. Fess (Print's partner in Greenhouse Effect) came out to rock a couple songs, including their interpolation of "Shook Ones, Part II," which was sweet. The set ended with some not-originally-planned songs, including "Big Girls Need Love Too" from the new album, screamed for by Sara of Fat Girls by the Snack Table, which was awesome. Twas an entertaining show.


Yes, Andy and I made the trek to the Beachland Tavern in Cleveland on Friday night to see the best live rock band in the land, The Dirtbombs. As usual, they did not disappoint. First up was Dayton's Murder Your Darlings, which was basically the perfect hard rock set. As Nappius and I discussed later, there are many terms that get bandied about for loud, heavy rock, but the sound that these four dudes emitted Friday night was exactly what I wanted to hear when I was prepared for "hard rock" or "heavy metal." Awesome. Also, we realized that the lead singer works the door at Little Brothers (he was doing so the next day), and he is a nice guy when you're not the next idiot in line to get in the door and you are instead praising his band. Next up was The Drop Dead Sons, who rocked some organ garage rock with a two-screen movie display behind them. One side was 1960s era movie trailers running in reverse, including some awesome titles including "How To Commit Marriage" and "The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight." The other screen had old footage of weird documentaries and vintage stunts, which was funny. Oh yeah, there was vintage wrestling footage at the onset, killer. The band rocked, but Andy and I were much too distracted by the screens to pay too much attention. Finally, Detroit's Dirtbombs came on to kill shit. The usual lineup was slightly altered, with bassist Troy Gregory absent and Deanne Iovan, lead singer of The Come-Ons, filling in for him. Of course, Troy sings "I'm Through With White Girls," so we didn't hear it again. Maybe next time. Otherwise, they played all the requisite jams, and some catchy new ones. Then I laid down some scrilla on flashy new recordings. Damn. Helluva time.

On Wednesday, I walked over to Casa Gameboy here in Clintonville to see the Fred Lonberg-Holm Trio. Lonberg-Holm has orchestrated string sections on some Wilco albums, along with some other bands, so that's cool. He played cello, and was joined by a bassist and a drummer. Quite the interesting set. They only played about 40 minutes, which consisted of two songs. The first one was a half-hour jam, which included alot of weird and alot of groove. I guess at least part of it was a Rahsaan Roland Kirk song, which was noted by one of the audience members between songs. All members of the trio played some "freak out" parts (my term) at times, but the drummer was the freakiest. He had a bunch of small cymbals and things, but the coolest was some sort of reed that he would wet with his fingers and then move his fingers down it on top of the snare to make noise. Interesting. The second song was simply the best cover of 1960s pop tune "Forever My Love" EVAR. A nice long groove, with a smattering of avant-garde. Good times. Check out this site for more info on Gameboy Records.

Well, that's all he wrote. Come to the Ravari on Tuesday, maybe Little Bros on Weds for another System Link hip-hop smorgasbord, and Ruby Tuesdays and/or Cafe Bourbon St on Thursday for shows mentioned in the comments below. ROCK!!!

Saturday, March 26, 2005

A shot of conviction to the neck

Yes, as I said last time, a grand era in Patton family car history is over. And, for the record, Abele was slightly wrong, or at least inexhaustive, in one of his grand remembrances of the Goose. My clearest, most awesome memory of that mystery guy in the Hardees drive thru was the time that they were out of ketchup packets, and we NEEDED ketchup. So he took a small styrofoam container and filled it with ketchup. It was the best fast-food service ever. Anyway, the car pictured above is my new car, a silver 2001 Toyota Camry LE (kinda). Its lack of character (compared to the immense presence of The Goose) has already been lamented, but just call it the Silver Stallion and you'll get used to it, OK? Good.

Man, you know I was there!

The Apollo Sunshine Express hit Little Brothers Wednesday night, and despite other tempting options (well, one, the Hella show), I could not resist seeing the Boston boys for the seventh time. I arrived during local band Twin Cam's set, and I enjoyed their power-pop-rock 'n roll. Greenlawn Abbey, a Columbus band led by that tall guy I often see at shows, was also good rockins. It was good to see both of these bands for the first time. Apollo Sunshine has added a fourth member (that guy in the back of the picture above) named Sean, and he seems to be pretty talented in the ol' "I'll trade this here guitar for that there bass if you play vibes and you kick the steel geetar" scheme of things. It was my first time hearing their new material, and it rocked. Lots more quirky rock songs, and folky rock songs, and rocky rock songs. There was a decent crowd there, and folks were having a good time, even when commanded to dance. I think the reason that I like this band alot and have seen them 7 times finally hit me (literally): You can tell they have a strong sense of conviction about their music. They really mean it. Maybe that's bullshit, but I think it's true. Anyhoo, the highlight for me was when the last song ended and Jeremy's drumstick flew out of his hand and hit me in the neck! Well, I guess that's not a real highlight, but it's a cool souvenir. And oh yeah, Don B (Batman guy) sang both "Batman" and "Louie Louie" with the guys, and Jesse reminisced about him singing "Batman" at their first Columbus gig at Bernie's three years ago. Good show indeed.

Wow, I guess rock has been slow as of late. When your #1 rockin' sidekick is on the DL (not down low, the REAL DL), it gets tough. Chops and I have rocked "Funky Thursdays" at the Ravari Room the last two weeks, and it's been hot. Mikey G, RawDog, & The Latino Pimp have been cookin with gas! They seem to be doing lots of Thursdays, like next week, so give 'em a shot!

Song of the Week

Crown Royals - "All Night Burner," All Night Burner

Estrus Records isn't known as the home of funky soul, but some vintage Crown Royals tunes are pretty funky. Greasy modern organ funk is always a welcome thing.

Well, that's about all I got. If you have any suggestions to liven up this fair blog, or something that would encourage some sort of dialogue, I'm all ears.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

You Thought All Those Other Deaths Were Bad...

R.I.P. "The Grey Goose," 1986 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera, 1986-2005

Yeah, Happy St. Patty's Day. Above is a likeness (not an actual photo) of my beloved car of the past four years. Over the weekend, some fuckhead (much like his fuckhead ancestor of two years ago - Darwin is still trying to work with the fuckheads) tried to steal my car. Yes, that car. I guess it is popular for parts, since there are still millions of the same/similar cars on the road. Anyway, they ruined the steering column and it turned out that the cost of repairing the column was more than the determined value of the it's totaled. The value was found to be $825, which I thought was pretty good, and I will end up with about $780. I saw it for the last time yesterday, which was pretty sad. I will have many fond memories of that car (and some not-so-fond ones) for a long time. Feel free to post your memories of the Grey Goose below, OK?

Last night, System Link put on another awesome event, basically a dance party starring J. Rawls and Dante Carfagna behind the wheels of steel. Davekwon and I went out and rocked it hard. As usual, Numeric, Ginsu, & Detox kicked off the festivities with jams we really didn't hear. J. Rawls, of Lone Catalysts and his own solo albums fame, spun a great set of classic/current hip-hop. The rather solid crowd was getting into it, which was awesome to see. There was a large population of b-boys at the show (Street Symphony performed some breakin routines between sets, watch video here), and they were obviously enjoying the jams. Then Dante came on and played some serious funk, which was to be expected. It was another cool System Link event, and there seem to be more to come.
On Monday, I made an appearance at Cafe Bourbon Street as Cool Brother Kyle, aka Kyle, owner of Lost Weekend, the coolest record store within walking distance, was spinning records with Captain Lonesome. I'm jealous of the fact that Kyle has an early-'80s reissue of Capsoul Records' greatest hits, and started out his set with everyone's favorite song, "Sock It to Em, Soul Brother," by Bill Moss. Good times.
On Saturday, Renkes, Chops, and I caught some of Formerly Quarters' set at Larry's, and it was a rockin' good time. They definitely impressed me alot more than the last time. Some smokin covers and some meaty originals. Now that's a solid rock band.

When Your Roots Attack...

Yeah, let's hope this is good. I think some Norwegian deathjazz should get me going, along with whatever the hell Fevergreens by fellow Norwegian Jono El Grande (yes Abele, of course I bought it for the name) is. Those two should show up tomorrow.

Well, keep drinking green beer for another few hours, because it's only Friday tomorrow, and Fridays are (or should be) easy.