Wednesday, January 26, 2005

"And my FUNKY daggers pierce your heart..."

Yes indeedily doodily, I played some rekkids at the Ravari Room again last night. Muchas gracias a Andy, Ashley, Franz, Lucas, Adam, Lee, Gina, and last but not least, Mr. Andrew Beltz (who wins the 2nd Smell the Vinyl Support Team MVP simply for showing his face), for their attendance. It was kind of a sparse night, but it was still a good time.

Set 1
DJ Logic - The Project(s) (Rob Swift remix f/Subcon)
RJD2 - Bus Stop Bitties
Baby Huey - Hard Times
Ohio Players - Fopp
Crusaders - Greasy Spoon
Sweet - Ballroom Blitz
Jethro Tull - Bungle in the Jungle
Foreigner - Double Vision
Breakestra - Sister Sanctified (Edit)
Digital Underground f/2Pac - Same Song
Morcheeba f/Slick Rick - Women Lose Weight
Prince Rakeem (RZA) - Ooh I Love You Rakeem
Diamond - Sally's Got a One Track Mind
Rusty Bryant - Zoo Boogaloo

O'Jays - Backstabbers
Captain Funkaho - Untitled
DJ Jazzy Jeff & the Fresh Prince - I Think I Can Beat Mike Tyson

Cannibal Ox - The F Word (RJD2 remix)
Large Professor - 'Bout That Time

Sly & the Family Stone - Luv n' Haight
Sins of Satan - Your Love is Like Candy

McNeal & Niles - Punk Funk
Ramsey Lewis - Why Don't You Do Right

Joe Jackson - Instant Mash
Boots Randolph - Yakety Sax

Gangstarr - Take It Personal
Mad Rabbi - Repeat Offenders

Jimmy McGriff & Groove Holmes - The Squirrel (I think)
Funk Inc - Message From the Meters

As you can see, I did what I could to kick up a party. Look out soon for another Funky D invasion!

Link of the Day
Check out this website, and see if you can figure out which link holds an awesome music video! Simplicity, beeyotch!

And yo, I finally heard that new Motley Crue song...suck factor = 11.3 out of 10.

One more thing: Thursday is the 2nd Anniversary Party for The Taco Ninja (@ Cafe Bourbon Street) with supposed free tacos (!) and performances from the Wicked Lung & Wookalar that you know so well and Smashy Smashy. Should be a helluva jam!!!

Monday, January 24, 2005


REMINDER: I, Andrew "Funky D" Patton, will be playing records with Wicked Lung & the Wookalar at the Ravari Room tomorrow, Jan 25th, from about 10:30 on. No cover yo! Bring your dancin shoes, or your drinkin boots, or whatever other footwear you deem appropriate for such an occasion.

I hope you have had enough time to properly absorb my review of the year that was 2004. I've rocked considerably since then, so it's time for...


It was quite a weekend for the rock 'n roll at Skully's here in Bustown. Saturday night, the smashed out posse of Chops, Andy, Franz, Lucas, Angie, and myself saw The Tough and Lovely, You're So Bossy, & The Blue Revision, and it was quite the rock-splosion. Blue Revision was a decent opener, as they exhibited the first of 3 awesome drummers of the night and mashed together some rock with some buzzing electronics for some moody jams. Definitely a band worth seeing. You're So Bossy, though they play out very infrequently, is still one of my live favorites here in Columbus. Sam Brown, drummer extraordinaire (currently of The Sun, formerly of The New Bomb Turks) is the lead singer of this project, his wife (Estee Louder) plays drums, and some other folks help out. The drums were socked once again as the band tore through some rockin' numbers. I forgot how high Sam's singing voice is, but he still rocks hard, haha. A smashtastic set indeed. Finally, the Tough and Lovely came out and burned through a fine set of hard-rockin' garage-pop-soul. Their drummer continued the percussionary murder spree, and the rest of the band was equally crankin. I hadn't seen them in a while, so it was a great reminder of their awesomeness.

Friday was a serious day de la rock. It started with my cousin Nate and I catching hilarious Canadian band By Divine Right at the CD101 Big Room, thanks to some lounge points. It was awesome! Lead singer Jose was crackin' wise at Jack Devoss, the other guys were laughing along, and Colleen the guitarist was knitting, which was pretty sweet. My favorite quote, to paraphrase:

Jose: "Where did you find that out?"
Jack: "I have my sources."
Jose: "That's good. We're from out of town, we need sources."

After leaving the CD101 studios, Nate and I (along with Beth, Rob, and Erin) saw Spanglish at Lennox, which is a pretty good movie that I recommend you see. Later, Chops and I made it down to Skully's to see By Divine Right's actual show. Another awesome performance. By Divine Right is a good-time-drug-rock band, to sorta quote Chops. They reminded me of a cross between Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and, I dunno, The Byrds or something. Funky, rockin, and hilarious. What more do you want? More bands need talking "Zippy Print" shirts. Check out By Divine Right on the web here, then buy their album at Magnolia Thunderpussy for $10.11. Thanks CD101! Afterwards, I met up with the gang at Oldfields. I did not manage to catch Dream Merchant, but Magpie seemed to be pretty decent. What a rockventure.

Thursday night was a salvaged hip-hop mishap at Little Brothers for Andy and I. The bill was Jean Grae/Diverse/Spitball. Columbus' own opened up and tore shit apart. Some crazy gang of white kids called PBJ were hyped-up, breakin chairs and fooling with the stage monitors. It was a good set, when I wasn't scared of dying or breaking my new glasses. After their set, however, it soon came to light that the touring headliners were running very late. So we got treated to all sorts of thrown-together entertainment. There was a very brief Racist Joe set, as Daymon drunkenly attempted to perform his hit single (without the actual beat), but struggled with the chorus. DJ Bombay threw together a few scratchin' routines that were rather nice, the guy's got skeeelz. The highlight was Blueprint coming on stage without any instrumentals to rock over PRZM's beatbox, some random instrumentals, and drop some accapellas. He performed a variety of his material, and even brought out some new stuff. This was brand new stuff that he didn't have memorized, however, so he read it off of his cell phone! Hilarious. Print seems to be very good at handling rough performing conditions. Then Pos2 spun some hip-hop jams, including "Mr. Ni**a" by Mos Def, during which he held up the album cover (Mos Def's face) in front of his face and pretended to rap. Slightly after midnight, when the word came through that Grae and Diverse were still 40 miles away, we took off. I heard that we missed some quality, but we still had a good time.
Wednesday night, Andy and I rocked in an unusual place: Whiskey Dick's on 161. There were definitely some grizzled bikers in that joint. But it mattered not, for we were rocked to pieces by The Heroes of History and Mors Ontologica!!! The Heroes came out first and kicked out all sorts of rawk! Another strong performance. I did yell once for my song, but I decided to give them a break and let them rock without it. It was my first time seeing Mors, and they were pretty awesome. I guess you could describe them as a funk-rock-noise band, with a saxophone player and everything! To finish an enjoyable set, their encore was a raucous cover of New Order's "Bizarre Love Triangle," which was hella sweet! I need to see these guys again...and again.
Last Saturday, Andy and I caught The Ritchey Brothers and Sens at Little Brothers. It was Sens' going-away show, but their hippie jams were a bit too hippy. And the lighting system was blinding. Andy's uncle is one of the Ritchey brothers, and the three brothers and band jam pretty hard. Even WCBE DJ Mike Taylor plays bass with them! It was cool to finally see them, and I hope to see them again soon.
Friday, a motley gang went to Oldfield's for The Unpossibles w/ Glare and Halophane, who I didn't see much of. Glare sounded like a middle-aged Motley Crue (I know, so does the Crue), with a lead singer who kicked over his mic stand at least 10 times. The Unpossibles rocked hard in their last show for a while, as Don the lead singer seems to be moving. So they made it count. It was 10 days ago, though, so I really don't have much else to say about that.

Well, that's enough for tonight. I will work on some other content here soon, but don't hold your breath. Just come out to the Ravari tomorree (see, it rhymed!), and we'll all be happy. Now enjoy some awesomeness!

Friday, January 14, 2005


Without further ado, here is my (cue dramatic music)


2004 was a good year for the rock, and a bad year for my wallet in relation to said rock. I saw way too many shows, but it was a damn good time. I also bought way too much music (and continue to do so), which was less of a good time and some weak, lame attempt at music consumption reform (not nearly as catchy as tort reform) will be made within the House Of Funky Commons (To start the reform and stay true to the name of the House, I think I'm keeping Resurrection and selling One Day It'll All Make Sense, Like Water For Chocolate, and Electric Circus!!! Be??? It better be good!!! Ha!) soon. Since everyone loves lists (and at this point, I could probably make a list of my Top 10 Best of 2004 Lists), I made several. Let's start with my Top 20 Albums of the Year, shall we? I have not spent enough time listening to most of the music I own, so if I sat down for a month and just spent it listening to all the 2004 releases that I have, the content and order of this list would be much different, but since that will never happen, who cares?

20. Tree of Snakes - The Ottoman Empire Strikes Back Columbus dudes + punk + PBR = FUN. Good CD from a good local band that is just looking to have a good time, and these rockin' beery singalongs are a testament to that spirit.

19. Moviola - East of Eager Long-time Columbus folk-rock band soldiers on with another album of laid-back front-porch ditties. More albums need to reference Luis Aparicio without saying much about him. And more bands with 5 or 6 members (they lost one during the year, so who knows what the official count is now?) need to have ALL of them sharing lead vocal duties. IF THEY CAN PULL IT OFF.

18. M.F. Doom - Mm..Food Yes, the "official" follow-up to Operation: Doomsday finally dropped this year. Yes, it was disappointing, what with the huge amounts of underground hype and the huge amounts of Doom-sample skits on the album. But instupituous songs like "Rapp Snitch Knishes," "Hoe Cakes," "Potholderz," and "Deep Fried Frenz" CANNOT be fronted on. For the next Doom album in 2022, however, Mr. Dumile better remember that WE KNOW HE IS FUCKING METALFACE DOOM!!! DAMN!

17. Medeski Martin & Wood - End of the World Party (Just In Case) Wait, how did this make it on here? This crazy list. Anyhoo, this was a pretty good release from the boys. Good beats, good samples, and some jazz here and there.

16. Wordsworth - Mirror Music Though he's a bit too world-weary, Words has come back with a vengeance. Good thing approximately 6.8 people (8.8 if Nappy and Davekwon get their respective acts together) have run out and bought this fine hip-hop album. Good beats, good flow, and lots of fine story-telling and wisdom-imparting.

15. Crown City Rockers - Earthtones The crew formerly known as Mission has returned with an album of soulful, organic hip-hop jams. Good flows from Raashan Ahmad, nice tunes from the band, and even a blazin' cameo from Gift of Gab!!! What more do you want?

14. RJD2 - Since We Last Spoke Though very different from Deadringer (and not quite as good), SWLS is some sort of '70s AM radio party. Some funk, some rock, some different, and even some singing from ol' RJ himself. Mellowed-out niceness, with some not-so mellow parts too.

13. Holy Sons - I Want to Live a Peaceful Life Though his album is rather world-weary and depressing, Emil Amos' time in a barn somewhere in Portland, OR was well-spent. A fine folk album, good rainy day type tunes. But somebody really needs to go over there and cheer him up. I'm serious.

12. Blockhead - Music by Cavelight In a year of many instrumental hip-hopish albums, the man most revered for producing gems for Aesop Rock did very well for himself. Another mellowed-out recording. Sorry, I haven't listened to this for months, I just remember it being awesome.

11. Franz Ferdinand - Franz Ferdinand Yes yes yes, hype hype hype, I know. But these Scottish art-mongers still put out a nice little album. Y'ALL DON'T EVEN KNOW ABOUT "MATINEE"!!! THAT'S MY JAM, YO!!!

10. Dan Melchior's Broke Revue - 'O Clouds, Unfold!' Commit this picture of the cover to memory, for you may never see it again (this is actually the first time I've ever seen it, good ol' internet comin' through in the clutch!). Oh sure, it's quite the awesome album. Melchior, a short, quiet, British dude, assembled a new (American, I think, just like the last one) band after the old one quit and recorded another wonderful epic that could best be described as some sort of garage-pop-rock. Some 60s pop flourishes, some rockin tunes, and a bunch of memorable ditties sung in his distinctive accent. But it appears that the mighty Troubleman Unlimited label has stalled the release of this one indefinitely. Melchior is giving out free burned copies at shows, and it looks like it might never come out, or at least not in the form I have. DAMN THE MAN!

9. Wicked Lung & the Wookalar - Angle Bangers Sure, I know these guys personally. But any hip-hop album with a tune that gives "Cock Mobster" a run for its money in the white-guy female-star-fucking department is OK by me. If the forthcoming hip-hop and death metal albums from these guys are anywhere near as good as this one, I might be able to start forgetting about the Trailer Park Ninjas. Maybe.

8. Quantic - Mishaps Happening Crazy beats from a funky Brit. Jerome and I put this in the car stereo on the way to Bacch and just about lost it. A downtempo concoction of Afrobeat, funk, soul, jazz, and...magic that doesn't feel "downtempo." DANCE!

7. Von Bondies - Pawn Shoppe Heart Sure, maybe they're just famous because of the Jack White incident. Judging by the lines "With my teeth knocked out, I can feel the blood..." from their lead single, I think Jason Stollsteimer knows it. But this is still one groovy Detroit rock dance party. This album has produced at least two long-running inside jokes between me and Nappy, so isn't that enough for greatness. I waited to write this chart after my birthday so people would take me seriously, finally.

6. Black Keys - Rubber Factory Akron's finest blues-rock duo continues their assault on your mind. People talk about big differences between this and their earlier material, but to me it's some great blues jams, like the other stuff (Well, I haven't heard The Big Come Up yet, so sue me). Soul-socking beats, ass-shakin' guitar riffs, and solid vocals. Tell 'em Abele, tell 'em!

5. Murs - Murs 3:16, The 9th Edition Short, but sweet. 9.5 tracks of collabodopiation between Murs and 9th Wonder, underground beatmaker supreme (I guess). Great storytelling, great soul from 9th, and just overall greatness. A testament to the concept of sitting down and focusing on just putting your best stuff on the record, not a bunch of skits or filler songs (Doom, anyone?) or other such shit. I mean, I'm no Canuck, but random references to Kamloops (British Columbia) make me go nerd for the night.

4. Madvillain - Madvillainy In a year of much Doom, this one obviously stood head and shoulders above the rest. As opposed to Mm..Food, this one interspersed short songs, interludes, skits, and who knows what in such a well-mixed, rapid-fire manner that it definitely felt like one solid presentation, and not good songs with bullshit between. Madlib and Doomy Doom created a blunted hip-hop wonderland, so I think I'll go live there.

3. Greyhounds - Liberty OK, this is cheating because it originally came out a couple years ago and it was reissued this year. But damn, this is a backyard funky soul party! And yes, the album does have a guest appearance from Ani Difranco (No, I'm not bolding that shit), but she just sang backing vocals, and it was great! That's a power move right there. Anyway, this album is funny, emotional, gritty, peppy, and just all-around awesome. Texas jamtime.

2. Diplo - Florida Philly beatmaker put out an international banger that ran neck-and-neck for the first annual Blogged Out Championship, and therefore ALMOST got to have a big album cover here. Trippy beats, inventive sampling, some cool vocal appearances, and overall vibe make for a damn good album. I didn't get to see him live, but remember, he's no Gallagher.

1. Antibalas - Who Is This America? Man, it's a political year and I only have one seriously political record in my Top 20? Well, then it's got to be number one! Ha! Such a potent combination of funk, dance, and politics has no competition. The tradition of Afrobeat, an African form of funk popularized by Fela Kuti, is still being extended proudly by these now-New Yorkers. It's an enjoyable kick-in-America's-ass that is oh so necessary. Get this album, then see them live. An awesome album by an awesome ensemble.

Top 5 EPs

5. Printmatic (Blueprint) - Vitamins and Minerals

4. Dan Melchior's Broke Revue - Gud' Bye Ta Sluggo!

3. DJ PRZM Presents The Off the Clock EP Starring Illogic

2. The Sun - Did Your Mother Tell You?

1. Envelope - Envelope Yes indeed folks, Envelope's rhymes and Amos Famous' beats combined for a six-pack of Columbus hip-hop awesomeness. Envelope's wit and slightly off-kilter flow make him a quality, distinctive MC. Look out for the album. Maybe I'm a "homer," but Clintonville's my home, what the fuck can I say??? Now about that loading dock........

Top 5 Reissues/Reissue Compilations

5. Tokya Ska Paradise Orchestra - 1998-2004

4. Fela Kuti - The Undergound Spiritual Game

3. Quincy Jones and Bill Cosby - The Original Jam Sessions 1969

2. Stones Throw 101 DVD/CD

1. Eccentric Soul: The Capsoul Label Oh Bill Moss, why did you go insane? I mean, if I was "The Boss with the Red Hot Sauce," I would probably stay that way. Anyhoo, the Numero Group, a reissue label in Chicago, came to Columbus and put together an authorized compilation of the best of Capsoul Records, a Columbus funk/soul label run by Bill Moss in the '70s. This CD is chock full of vintage funk and soul, but I would pay $15 for Bill's "Sock It To 'Em Soul Brother" alone.


Wow, this category is waaaay too wide open for a serious list or anything. Off the top of my head, the bands I saw perform awesomely in 2004 include: The Dirtbombs, Fat Girls By The Snack Table, Tokyo Ska Paradise Orchestra, This Moment In Black History, The Hoo Doo Soul Band, Apollo Sunshine, VHS or Beta, 84 Nash, Peelander-Z, Amps II Eleven, Dr. Lonnie Smith, The Tony Monaco Trio, Charlie Hunter/Bobby Previte/DJ Logic, Mclusky, BOB LOG III, The Red Elvises, The Octopus Project, The Lab Rats, The Heroes of History, Addison Groove Project, Grand Buffet, Lion Fever, Free Space, Gris Gris, Shell Shag, Robert Randolph, The Apes, Dirty Dozen Brass Band, and damn, a fuckton more, OK? That's enough, and not off the top of my head. I was rocked super-thoroughly in 2004, and that's all you need to know.

Fuck it, that's enough writing. Sure, alot of my writing is bullshit, but I think I believe in my lists, so comment away. I mean, I didn't pull a "Stylus" and celebrate R. FUCKING KELLY as creator of the #1 single of the last five years, so I think I at least deserve a reply. To reward your attention to detail, the first person to comment on this whose name is not Glen Andrew Napier or Christopher John Abele (at least I think that's your middle name) wins...the aforementioned 3-pack of Common CDs!!! Git 'er done!

Tuesday, January 11, 2005


I just secured another turn playin' rekkids at the Ravari Room with Wicked Lung & the Wookalar on Tuesday, January 25th. I will be testin some new jams, rockin some old jams, and jammin some jam jamzzz. Music will start around 10:30 or so, and I will likely be rotating time on the wheelz for those who can only be there for short periods of time. Again, the Ravari is situated at the corner of Dodridge and High, and the address is 2657 N. High. Prepare for the ONSLAUGHT! Or maybe the Don Slaught???

T minus 53 days.....
I think I have stumbled upon a new lazy way to generate post titles for the next, well, 53 days. According to the man himself, Envelope's full-length debut is dropping March 4th. In my nerdy opinion, I think this will be a Columbus hip-hop sureshot banger for a long time coming. Soooo, the countdown begins now. Get ready!

The next post from me will be my 2004 Year In Review. I don't know if I'm any more ready now than I was before, but I'm tired of putting it off. Get ready for the jamz!

Friday night was a helluva time at Cafe Bourbon Street. It was the grand celebration of Andy's 22nd birthday, and boy did we do it right. 84 Nash was the headlining band, but it was kinda cool/different that they played second after Little Neon Wilderness, who were pretty good. The Nash rocked all sorts of tasty old jams, and plenty of new jams that will rock your socks off in 2008. Ha. After their set, they ripped out pages of a Bible coloring book and gave them out to people, so thanks to Kehn for giving me his. Times New Viking and Terribly Empty Pockets allowed the rock to flow forth continuously, and a grand time was had by all. At the same time, it's a good thing that people only have one birthday a year.

On Wednesday, Andy's actual birthday, the Nappiest One and I went to Little Brothers for that ol' hip-hop showcase. Numeric was holding it down as host DJ again, and Detox played some awesome funk and hip-hop as well. Ginsu and Ndcent put on a serious off-the-head 4-turntable set, with Chase Manhatten dropping in some rhymes and hecklings here and there. At one point, Detox played the song that was sampled for Ghostface's "Cherchez La Ghost," and Chase got on the mic and offered a prize to whomever could name the Wu-Tang member who sampled it. Yes, I won a PBR. It was pretty sweet. Tiger Tiger closed out the night with a set that reminded me alot of Do You Want More? era Roots. Unfortunately, Nappy was already sleeping on tables, so it was time to part. Look out for more of these hip-hop showcases at Little Bros. They're usually the first Weds of the month, I guess, and the next one (February 2nd) will be a beat/production battle. Check it! (NOTE: The above pic has nothing to do with this event, except for overall funkiness.)

Alright, I'm out. Keep rootin' for Franz to work at Dick's Den, and all will turn out fine.

Tuesday, January 04, 2005

Happy New Year's!

Yes, I'm late, but it's still a valid sentiment, right? I hope everyone out there had a good NYE like I did. The Heroes of History know how to throw a good party, what can I say? Tomorrow is Andy's 22nd birthday, so we will attempt to celebrate in style. Wish him well. Friday is a rockstravaganza of 84 Nash/Times New Viking/Terribly Empty Pockets/Little Neon Wilderness at Cafe Bourbon Street, I think it should be a grand ol' time.

No, I still haven't summed up my latest year of gluttonous, nonsensical CD (and vinyl, but I didn't get much 2004 music on vinyl) purchases with my first Year-End List. I feel justified in waiting until the actual calendar year is over, so I guess it's time to get to business. Soon. Instead, read David's Top 20 albums and Top 200 (!!!!!!!!!!!!) singles here. I don't think I even know 50 of those songs. 80 tops.

Retreating Back Into 2004
On Thursday, Andy and I caught the Fat Girls By the Snack Table and Marvin the Robot show at Bernie's, which was a fine show. I'm still not a big fan of ol' Marvin, but I liked his stuff a little more than the last time I saw him. The Fat Girls (now officially a two-piece, thanks for the tip, Gretchen!) rocked lots of old and new jams. I can't wait for the album! I hear there was a fight later (according to the fat-diary), but luckily we missed it.
Wednesday night, Andy and I attended the Ohio Hip-Hop Showcase at Little Brother's. Attendance was a bit sparse, which was unfortunate, but we still had a good time. We got to see Numeric, Drastic & Phazo, and some of Ginsu & Ndcent's (w/ help from Chase Manhatten on the mic) set. There will be another jam tomorrow (Weds, the 5th) at Little Brothers, make it to this one!

Monday night, I went for dolo and rocked the first of two hip-hop shows for the week at Little Brothers. SA Smash headlined and were decent in their return to their hometown. Though the crowd was pretty big, they weren't very amped, and Camu and Metro didn't react very well (boredom, complaining). But I moshed to "Illy" and some of the new songs sounded good, so it was cool. The openers (Mike Blast w/DJ Self, Tyreless Won (from Cleveland), Flip the Early Riser, & Chase Manhatten) were squeezed into about an hour, unfortunately, but the locals rocked it well.

Well, that's about all she wrote. Keep rockin' in 2005, and maybe I'll fulfill some of my empty blog promises.