Well, I always do what Andy sez...

Even if it takes three days. Things have gone well since we last spoke. I deejayed a campus party on Friday night, like the bigshot I am. Other than some drunken douchebags demanding "rap" and scratching on my records, it went well. Dime-a-dog Night at the Coop on Monday was awesome (obviously), and the free listening parties/screenings at Skully's the last two nights (Gorillaz album Mon night, Common album AND Freestyle DVD Tues) were also rather sweet. Davekwon and I will venture to High Five tonight for the latest System Link jam, another "Hook and Sling" funk/soul dance party. Plans are still in development to see The Fucking Champs/Zombi/Boyjazz show in Cleveland Friday night, as Twyman is currently in the process of "manning up." Oh shit, almost forgot...

Major Announcement

Once again, a Funky D appearance at the Ravari is CANCELLED. It looks like I will not be spinning May 31, as the Ravari booking folk are being shady lately, I guess, and started scheduling bands on Tuesdays instead of maintaining the fine tradition of Wicked Lung & Wookalar's Smell the Vinyl night. We'll see what unravels in the future, and I'll keep you posted.

Hot Damn

On Saturday night, Renkes and I travelled to Cleveland for a rockabilly (sorta) show of epic proportions. It was the release party for Atomic Horsepower, the new album from Cleveland's Capgun Cowboys. The Cowboys feature Phil Verhoef (on acoustic guitar and trombone), who is a frat brother of ours. Anyhoo, they rocked the Beachland Tavern mightily! Some old jams, and plenty of new jams. They featured a couple of guests, including an attractive "electric fiddle" player from Columbus. Great stuff. Before and after their set, The Pussyfoot Girls, a burlesque troupe from Cleveland, "entertained" by dancing to old rock songs and wearing weird skimpy outfits. The show was officially headlined by rockabilly superstar Deke Dickerson and his Ecco-phonics. He came in on a mini-bike, which was fucking awesome. They had a bunch of great songs, including a fine anti-vegetarianism tune called "What's That Cookin?," but sadly we had to leave early to get back to Bustown. Phil is moving out to LA very soon to become a doctor of some sort, so we're glad we caught him/them while we could.

Finally

A week ago, Andy, Dave and I caught what is likely to be the funniest live performance all year, anywhere. This, of course, was the fine touring bill of Neil Hamburger and Pleaseeasaur at Bernies. Wow. For an awesome writeup, please read Andy's account here. I will simply tell you that these two performers were both hilarious. I first heard of Neil Hamburger about 4 years ago, so this show was a long time coming (Chops and I thought about a Cleveland show last year, but it was too much). Oh yeah, Chops should have been there. FUCK OSU! Anyway, Neil did not disappoint. I had heard some of the jokes before, but seeing them in person more than made up for that. And Pleaseeasaur was just crazy. Lotsa costume changes, funny slides (what the hell is purling, anyway?), and wacky stage presence. Quote of the night: "Actually, I'm Michael W. Smith, and this song is called 'I Hate Dog Shit.'" Wow. Check out both of these acts sometime.

Well, successfully updated again. I'm contemplating buying a new computer, which would facilitate more consistent updating, so if any loyal fans wanna contribute financially to this effort, HOLLA AT A PLAYA!!! Also, for future planning, June 11th may end up being the rockinest day in the annals of rock, so be prepared. Still working on making this site more entertaining (and comment-inducing), so hold your heads!

It was all good just two weeks ago...

Dayum. I hope you've enjoyed your two week vacation from this lonely blog. I've seen shows, been to places as far away as Washington, DC and Springfield, Ohio, and...other excitement. Actually, the real excitement is tomorrow night:

Neil Hamburger, "America's Funnyman," will be thrilling an audience of many, hopefully including Chops, Davekwon, and myself, at Bernie's Distillery here in Columbus. I can't think of a better place to see this show. Damn, it's gonna be awesome. And there's always the possibility of seeing Dick Dale on Thurs night. We'll see. Now...NEWS!!!

Return to the Ravari
Two weeks from tonight, Tuesday May 31st, I will be rocking the Ravari again with Wicked Lung & Wookalar. More funk, jazz, hip-hop, rock, and whatevz to be played. Be there, or DIE!

This Honky's Got Journalistic Integrity
Jeah. I'm now a "staff member" at The Vertical Slum, a fine Columbus-based music e-zine with record reviews and stuff. So check out the brand new TVS #9, This Monkey's Gone To Heaven, where the staff feature is little writeups on musicians who died before their time. My choice? Big L, of course. I also review the new Edan and By Divine Right (Ha! Got you good, you fucker!) albums, so check it out. I also have a snappy profile right here. Wow.

Showz
As mentioned two weeks ago, on the night of the 4th I wanted to see Electric Six and VHS or Beta at Skully's. I only managed to see VHS or Beta, and they rocked the faces of all, including Davekwon's (first time) and my own (umpteenth). Good ol Cinco de Cuatro. On Cinco de Mayo, I made it to Little Bros to see the end of the System Link MC Battle (Meta4ce didn't really win, him and Faus just decided to cypher at the end of their rounds and say fuck a battle). I also saw a set by Envelope & Amos Famous (though they rocked Fresh Prince beats, the crowd seemed disinterested) and an intimate set from Declaime/Dudley Perkins (w/J. Rawls on the decks) where he rapped and sang standing on the floor in front of 10-15 of us. Short, but cool.

Last Monday night Renkes and I got to see Garbage while I was covering the show for another music-type site here in town (Soon, allllll will be reveeeeeaaaaallllleed). Openers The Dead 60s were lame. Garbage did what they do, some sort of sultry despair, pretty well. More to come. I guess I didn't attend another show until Chops and I saw the grand Black Box event at Ruby Tuesdays on Saturday night. Many local bands rocked for a good cause.

0. Missed Times New Viking.
1. Arrived during Terribly Empty Pockets, they were good.
2. Heroes of History slayed everyone. Seriously though, as a hardcore Heroes fan (Kyle basically told me I was one, so there!), it was a good set and I liked the new material. Can't wait for the album!
3. The Blue Revision continued to slay.
4. Mors Ontologica crooned and careened aboot, unleashing their horn(y) rock upon us.
5. Necropolis' set was the best I'd ever seen from them. I was unimpressed the last time, but this time I was rocked into submission.
6. El Jesus de Magico rocked another quirky set. Maybe not as good as the Bring It! set, but still good.

Rants
1. Fuck Ticketmaster. I just got tickets for my cousin and I to see Modest Mouse and Camper van Beethoven at Promowest in June. The tickets were $25 a piece, which was bad enough. But the service charges, when I even avoided another charge for having printable tickets??? $17.50. Daaamn, that's some shit. Say it with me kids: MO-NO-PO-LY.

2. Fuck "Insider" Bars. I went to a certain bar near 5th and High Sunday night to see a band that includes a friend of mine. I had confirmed the show an hour earlier. Well, I got there, and there was no music on and nothing being set up. Also, the 6 or so staff and regulars drinking at the bar and watching TV gradually turn around to stare at me. Stupid. It turns out that the band decided not to show (probably due to the fact that there were no other bands slated to play with them), the bartender told me nicely. But everyone else there acted like I was a big intrusion on their (likely) paid night of "working" or hanging out, just because I showed up to a show that had been cancelled minutes before and that I should obviously be aware of. Stupid.

Now I feel better. I'll try to update more often. Pinky swear.

Like a boss

What up, bredren? Chillin, chillin. Things are pretty good ova here. I should be seeing Electric Six and VHS or Beta at Skullys tomorrow night, and the System Link MC battle featuring performances by Envelope and Dudley Perkins/Declaime (!?!?!?!?!?!) at Little Brothers on Thursday, so that will be a good setup for my weekend in DC! Good times. And oh yeah, here's some quick music discoveries, courtesy of my quarterly stop at Borders: Waylon Jennings has a son named Shooter who released an album two months ago called Put the "O" Back in Country. Awesome. Because life is fucking hard, the listening station at Borders, Amazon, and All Music (OK, maybe the last two are this computer's fault) have thwarted me in my attempts to sample this album, so maybe someday I'll hear it. Fuck. And oh yeah, Special Ed and US3 appear to have come out with albums in the past year. Goooood.

This Computer/The Internet Are Sapping My Soul

On Saturday, Andy and I attended the Blue Revision Release Party for Day Terrors at Cafe Bourbon Street. A bunch of other bands opened, but all we caught were the headliners and part of Times New Viking's set, which was aiight. Blue Revision rocked pretty hard. Their sound is a sort of dark rock, with some electronics and whatnot. They can rock pretty hard, just give em a chance. I'm listening to the rekkid right now, and it's pretty good. Bustown what!?

Wednesday, Todd and I went down to ye olde Promowest Pavilion for Muse and Razorlight. Way too many youngsters whose rocksticles have yet to drop attended the show, dammit. Oh well, it was fun. Razorlight was kinda lame. The band did nothing too exciting, and the music made me think of O'Springsteen lite at times. Also, the lead singer's mic blew and everyone involved seemed unable to solve this problem (like, you know, use another mic!), which didn't help. Luckily, Muse came on and rocked faces! They played the hits, and other stuff, and just unleashed an emotional maelstrom of moody rawk. I liked it.

Tuesday, Ashley, Andy and I ventured to the new Maximillian'z on Bethel for local faves The New Basics Brass Band. The boys rocked the place hard with horn funk, as they always do. They should be dropping an album in June sometime, according to their website, so check it out!

So I think I hit .500 for Aprock. Pretty good, if I may say so myself. Well, I'm tired and my technological hatred is welling up within me, so I suppose I should get out of here. I should be writing for some of them websites sometime soon maybe, so I'll keep y'all posted. Rock.

"And watch me break em with the 7, 7-11, 7-11, 7 even back door Little Joe"

Though that title is in reference to the seven shows I saw in an eleven day period, it also works because it comes from "It Was a Good Day" by Ice Cube, a classic song that samples what could be an even better song, "Footprints Part 1 & 2" by the Isley Brothers, a fact I discovered on Thursday and a tune Chops and I have been humming since. It is also a tune that our new band, The Funky Beer Situation, will be learning and then pounding into the funky ground. I got a bari sax bitch, look out!

Cuz I'm Fast (Fast) Like Deion Sanders...
On Wednesday the 13th, Tom (from work), Davekwon and I went to Little Brothers for Living Legends (sans Murs), J-Live, Pigeon John, the Lab Rats, and DJ Derek Johnson, who opened things up with downtempo dopeness. The Lab Rats hit it quick and hard, and we all got free EPs. Umar Bin Hassan (of the Last Poets and the new Common single, "Corners," which he performed part of) hosted the night, which was a pleasant surprise. Pigeon John was cool at first, but his energy and girl-problem-songs got tiresome. It was dope to finally see J-Live live, especially his scratch and rap at the same time trick. The Legends were also dope, though it was obvious that the tour was sponsored by the LRG clothing brand, as six of the eight folks onstage (7 MCs + 1 DJ) were visibly wearing the brand. Oh well, good show. A more detailed review was written and lost to the e-ages!

On Thursday the 14th, I went by my lonesome to the Thirsty Ear Tavern to see current jazz organ master Joey Defrancesco and his trio make a Bustown appearance. Good stuff, I thought his music might be a bit too schmaltzy for my tastes, but no, they rocked it pretty hard. His drummer, Byron "Wookie" Landham, is a monster. Joey recorded the album pictured above with Jimmy Smith just before he died and is touring in support of it. I don't have time for a major rant here, but he was charging $25!!! No way, there's always Amazon.

Tax Day meant my second Dirtbombs show in two weeks, this time at Little Brothers with Murder Your Darlings again and Columbus' Grafton. All the bands rocked hard, and I got a sweet poster made by local designers Enginehouse 13. The 'Bombs once again failed to play "I'm Through With White Girls," but since Andy didn't make it, it was only right. Adam and I rocked out quite well.

I returned to Little Brothers the next night with Andy for his uncle's band The Ritchey Brothers and The Spikedrivers. Good hippie dancin music. The Ritcheys rock some enjoyable old man jam-jams, and I recommend them to you!

Monday night (18th), Chops and I ventured to Lil Bros for The Apes' grand return to Columbus. We missed Meta4ce and showed up for the end of El Jesus de Magico's set, which was aiight. Then the Apes commenced to rock, weird 70s stylee. Amanda "Majestic Ape" is still hot, I had to add that. They had snappy homemade costumes. They kicked out some organ-bass jams, and the drummer is a fuckin' beast. The singer was in all white and caught the drummer in the head with a tambourine toss. Great stuff the Apes are.

4-20 was a busy night. I started out with my grand return (and likely farewell) to WCWS, 90.9 FM Wooster (Fuck some WOO 91 bullshit!) on Double Dee's show. Good times. Lotsa hip-hop, some African funk, some Out-hud, a lil something for everybody. Then I came back and made it to Lil Bros in time for The 45s, a fine garage rock band from Atlanta. They came out with all guns blazin, and kept it up. Awesome. Then I made it to System Link's "Hook and Sling" funk and soul dance party, which had sorta died but was still fonkay. Good night.

Featured Show of the Week

Saturday night, I managed to drag Renkes and Chops to Little Brothers (6 LB shows in 11 days) for Vertical Slum's Bring It!, which brought together four awesome Ohio rawk bands. El Jesus de Magico played my favorite set of theirs so far, and Dayton's Wet Leather rocked their sex rock jams well. Then, Cleveland's Roue hit the stage and melted faces with their heavy attack. Meanwhile, an uber-drunk douchebag in the audience was hitting the peak of his suckitude. Earlier, he had put a chair and a traffic cone onstage during the bands' sets. During Roue's set, he decided to start drinking the band's drinks. Boo. The lead singer noticed this and poured a drink on the guy's head. The drunk processed this for a second, and then threw his (and by his, I mean one of Roue's) beer bottle at the singer! What ensued was maybe my favorite Columbus rock moment ever. The lead singer flew off the stage and onto the idiot, laying the smack down before the fight was broken up and the dude was kicked out. Fuckin awesome. The set might have been a bit short, but it was great. The headliner, Cleveland's This Moment in Black History, then followed with some kickass spaz-punk-core something, which was awesome as usual. Great fucking rock show. Thanks to the Slum for a good time.

Damn, I'm done. Go listen to the new Edan album, Beauty and the Beat, and thank me later. Hopefully I'll finish "Ap(e)rock" strong. Peace in da middle east.

I got the internet goin nuts

I barely know who this Paul Wall character is, but since that phrase seems to be the cat's patoot these days, there it is. Anyhoo, I, Andrew "Funky D" Patton, am making my grand return to the airwaves of Wooster, Ohio tonight. I will be making an appearance on ol' David "Double D" Drake's show on WCWS 90.9 FM from 8 to 10. I don't know what he's getting into these days, but there will be some hip-hop I'm sure. Since I'm pretty sure most of my audience is NOT in Wooster, tune in here. Otherwise, enjoy some more dated rock reviews. My goal is to be caught up by the weekend.

More like DAAAAMBQ!!!

Really, that's all I got. So let's pick up where we left off. On the 7th, I had a one man mission to check out the shows at the Bourb and Rubys. The main goals of the night were to see DMBQ (above) from Japan and Shell Shag from San Francisco at the Bourb and We March from Athens at Rubys. I started at Cafe Bourbon Street, where The Vulvonics opened. It turns out that they are made up of at least 50% Taco Ninja employees, so I guess Bourb gigs are easy to come by for them. They were OK, but a little too nonsensical for me. After their set, I came to the realization that Shell Shag had cancelled, which seemed very possible all along (NOTE: If any Shell Shag members or "support staff" are reading this, PLEASE do something about your web presence. In my fact-finding mission about this potential show, all of my various google searches could not come up with your site. Instead, I always found my own blog. Cool, but frustrating), so I dipped to Ruby Tuesdays. Originally, our beloved Heroes of History were on this bill, but had to cancel when the cat from hell mauled Kyle the drummer's hands and arms, causing him to pass out and not be able to hold drumsticks for a while. Fucking boo. They were hangin out though, which was cool. Mors Ontologica kicked out their usual saxy jams, which was nice. Sadly, the place kinda cleared out for We March, but they still melted faces. Dirty hardcore/metal action. I'm glad I finally got to see them. You should too, start here. Then I went back to the Bourb for DMBQ. Damn. Four Japanese folks: Three guys with long hair (bassist had a fro with lights coming out of it) and a female drummer. Loud, psychedelic, head-bangin, strangely ethereal jams. The last song seemed to be about 15 minutes. All of a sudden, the guitarist started breaking down the drum set piece by piece and setting it up at the bar. When he had the whole set over there, she started drumming at the bar. The rest of the band went behind the bar, poured her a beer, and she chugged it while everyone cheered. Now there's a show closer! Awesome. Pick up some of their tunes from Estrus or check out the band's site.

On Saturday the 9th, Adam (thanks again, dude!), Keith, April and I went to CD101 Day at Promowest. Local band The Shatters kicked things off, and rocked pretty hard. Adam thinks their drummer (and Promowest's buckets of beer) is/are awesome. Next up was Ash from across the pond somewheres. I don't know what you call this, hard pop or heavy plastic or something. Cuz those were some loud, heavy guitars for "pop." And the chick in the band was hot. I liked it. Then The Bravery came on and did their thing. Not too exciting, but hearing "An Honest Mistake" live was funny. Then, in a super-change-of-pace, Australian poppy troubadour Ben Lee came on with his band. Cheesy feelgood pop. Pretty lame, and I just kept wondering how this wuss ever managed to date Claire Danes. But it was a good setup for...The Dresden Dolls!!! Wow, we were floored by this one. The Boston cabaret pop duo (piano and drums) rocked! Now, their single "Coin-Operated Boy" has a very polar effect on people. Either you love it, or you hate it (or you love it, it drives you insane, and then you hate it). But they turned out to be much different than that song, and cranked out some angsty pop jams. After a fine rendition of their hit (including the rumored raunchy lyrics), they followed it up the only way they knew how...with a rocktastic cover of "War Pigs," muthafucka! Damn, I didn't think it was possible with piano and drums, but it really is. Awesome set. Then, Akron, OH's own The Black Keys rounded out the night with their ass-shakin' two-man garage-blues. Another great set from them. Excellent entertainment for $5.

On Monday the 11th, I spent six hours in and around the Newport checking out bass wonder Victor Wooten and his band. Woof. Since their new record, Soul Circus, came out on Tuesday, he decided they would play until midnight so they could officially sell the record. So it was a three-hour plus funk workout. And at one point he came out with 8 arms on his body. Serious band (still don't like those keyboards, eh), serious tunes. They won me forever by ending with covers of "Can't Hide Love" by Earth Wind & Fire (didn't know the artist/title until that night, now it's officially my favorite EWF song) and "If You Want Me To Stay" by Sly & the Family Stone. Funky music, good people. Check out the Soul Circus, y'all!

The music is rap, my favorite color is math.