I got the internet goin nuts

I barely know who this Paul Wall character is, but since that phrase seems to be the cat's patoot these days, there it is. Anyhoo, I, Andrew "Funky D" Patton, am making my grand return to the airwaves of Wooster, Ohio tonight. I will be making an appearance on ol' David "Double D" Drake's show on WCWS 90.9 FM from 8 to 10. I don't know what he's getting into these days, but there will be some hip-hop I'm sure. Since I'm pretty sure most of my audience is NOT in Wooster, tune in here. Otherwise, enjoy some more dated rock reviews. My goal is to be caught up by the weekend.

More like DAAAAMBQ!!!

Really, that's all I got. So let's pick up where we left off. On the 7th, I had a one man mission to check out the shows at the Bourb and Rubys. The main goals of the night were to see DMBQ (above) from Japan and Shell Shag from San Francisco at the Bourb and We March from Athens at Rubys. I started at Cafe Bourbon Street, where The Vulvonics opened. It turns out that they are made up of at least 50% Taco Ninja employees, so I guess Bourb gigs are easy to come by for them. They were OK, but a little too nonsensical for me. After their set, I came to the realization that Shell Shag had cancelled, which seemed very possible all along (NOTE: If any Shell Shag members or "support staff" are reading this, PLEASE do something about your web presence. In my fact-finding mission about this potential show, all of my various google searches could not come up with your site. Instead, I always found my own blog. Cool, but frustrating), so I dipped to Ruby Tuesdays. Originally, our beloved Heroes of History were on this bill, but had to cancel when the cat from hell mauled Kyle the drummer's hands and arms, causing him to pass out and not be able to hold drumsticks for a while. Fucking boo. They were hangin out though, which was cool. Mors Ontologica kicked out their usual saxy jams, which was nice. Sadly, the place kinda cleared out for We March, but they still melted faces. Dirty hardcore/metal action. I'm glad I finally got to see them. You should too, start here. Then I went back to the Bourb for DMBQ. Damn. Four Japanese folks: Three guys with long hair (bassist had a fro with lights coming out of it) and a female drummer. Loud, psychedelic, head-bangin, strangely ethereal jams. The last song seemed to be about 15 minutes. All of a sudden, the guitarist started breaking down the drum set piece by piece and setting it up at the bar. When he had the whole set over there, she started drumming at the bar. The rest of the band went behind the bar, poured her a beer, and she chugged it while everyone cheered. Now there's a show closer! Awesome. Pick up some of their tunes from Estrus or check out the band's site.

On Saturday the 9th, Adam (thanks again, dude!), Keith, April and I went to CD101 Day at Promowest. Local band The Shatters kicked things off, and rocked pretty hard. Adam thinks their drummer (and Promowest's buckets of beer) is/are awesome. Next up was Ash from across the pond somewheres. I don't know what you call this, hard pop or heavy plastic or something. Cuz those were some loud, heavy guitars for "pop." And the chick in the band was hot. I liked it. Then The Bravery came on and did their thing. Not too exciting, but hearing "An Honest Mistake" live was funny. Then, in a super-change-of-pace, Australian poppy troubadour Ben Lee came on with his band. Cheesy feelgood pop. Pretty lame, and I just kept wondering how this wuss ever managed to date Claire Danes. But it was a good setup for...The Dresden Dolls!!! Wow, we were floored by this one. The Boston cabaret pop duo (piano and drums) rocked! Now, their single "Coin-Operated Boy" has a very polar effect on people. Either you love it, or you hate it (or you love it, it drives you insane, and then you hate it). But they turned out to be much different than that song, and cranked out some angsty pop jams. After a fine rendition of their hit (including the rumored raunchy lyrics), they followed it up the only way they knew how...with a rocktastic cover of "War Pigs," muthafucka! Damn, I didn't think it was possible with piano and drums, but it really is. Awesome set. Then, Akron, OH's own The Black Keys rounded out the night with their ass-shakin' two-man garage-blues. Another great set from them. Excellent entertainment for $5.

On Monday the 11th, I spent six hours in and around the Newport checking out bass wonder Victor Wooten and his band. Woof. Since their new record, Soul Circus, came out on Tuesday, he decided they would play until midnight so they could officially sell the record. So it was a three-hour plus funk workout. And at one point he came out with 8 arms on his body. Serious band (still don't like those keyboards, eh), serious tunes. They won me forever by ending with covers of "Can't Hide Love" by Earth Wind & Fire (didn't know the artist/title until that night, now it's officially my favorite EWF song) and "If You Want Me To Stay" by Sly & the Family Stone. Funky music, good people. Check out the Soul Circus, y'all!

The music is rap, my favorite color is math.

BDP is definitely serious

(NOTE: This was written on Friday. I'm having serious issues in getting time to type, so here's this stuff before it gets more dated. Enjoy!)


Or at least that's what ol' KRS is telling me right now. Somehow HHS got their shit together and got my big advance order of spring underground hip-hop hotness to me today. I got my Blueprint 1988 CD w/free DJ Rare Groove 1988 Live mix, which is what I'm bumpin' now, and a limited 45 of Printo interpreting some '88 classics: "Print is Goin Off"/"No Half Smokin'." Hot. I also received Edan's Beauty and the Beat w/free "Funky Rhyming" 45 and Tonedeff's Archetype w/free QN5 RMX No. 1 CD, and to reward me for all that, I also got HHS' latest double disc sampler, Preemptive Hype Vol. 6. Ha, "No Half Smokin'" is funny shit. So yeah, I got a lot of listening to do.

I'm talented, yes I'm gifted

On Tuesday night, I rocked the Ravari with Wicked Lung und Wookalar. Since they took March off, it was kinda dead on the first night back, but it was fun. Thanks to Tom (the BOMB), Beltz, Armond and his friend whose name I forgot, Adam, Kehn, Franz, Lucas, Angie, and Chops for showing their faces in the place(s). What did I play? I thought you'd never ask...

Set 1
Stark Reality - Rocket Ship
Connie Price & the Keystones - Sucker Punch
Soulive (remixed by Alan Evans) - S.O.U.L.I.V.E.
Blueprint - Trouble On My Mind
Eric B & Rakim - Paid In Full
MJG - Pimpin' Ain't Easy
Ohio Players- Pack It Up
Billy Brooks - Fourty Days
Thin Lizzy - Black Boys On The Corner
Cymande - Zion I
Fun Lovin' Criminals - Scooby Snacks (Rockamental Version)

Set 2
M.O.P. - Pounds Up
EPMD - It's My Thing
Lord Shafiyq - My Mic Is On Fire
Visionaries - If You Can't Say Love
Envelope - I'm Not Poor (I'm Just Broke)
Sly, Slick & Wicked - Sho' Nuff
Marvin Gaye - Trouble Man
Willie Henderson and the Soul Explosions - Soulful Football
Antibalas - Indictment
Ed O.G. & Da Bulldogs - I Gotta Have It
Afrodisiac Sound System - Afroheat #2

Set 3
The Impossibles- Hot Pepper
Chico Hamilton - Big Noise From Winnetka
Jimmy Smith - Funky Broadway

Nobody beats the Biz, yo.

TUESDAY = JAMZ!!!

I guess April 1 is a bad day for major announcements, along with being a bad time for people to die (R.I.P. Mitch Hedberg), so now it's April 3! Ha! Anyhoo, my postponed appearance at le Ravari Room is upon us. THIS TUESDAY, APRIL 5TH, 10:30 - ??? You should know where it is by now, and what kind of awesome jams will be played by Wicked Lung, Wookalar, and myself. I've been buying vinyl out the wazoo, so it's about time I get some use out of it. TUESDAY TUESDAY TUESDAY!!!

"This cat tried to battle, he didn't know me,
So I drowned him out with my tapes on Dolby!"

Word. Last night was the release party for 1988 by Columbus' own Blueprint at Little Brothers. I had to roll solo, but it was still cool. Envelope was the emcee of the festivities, which gives me a good prompt to mention that the release party for his debut full-length, Insignificant Anthems, will be held May 13th at the High Five, with El Jesus de Majico and hip-hop/funk DJs. Finally! First up was Spitball, which was entertaining business as usual. Then came 8076, the seldom-seen duo of Illogic and DJ Walter Rocktight. It seems that they also have a Weightless album coming out "soon," so hopefully by the end of the year. Anyway, the set was a mix of Illogic's more poetic-stuff and the Rocktight-influenced party kinda stuff, so it was good (wow, I'm an eloquent motherfucker). Then Blueprint came out with DJ Rare Groove, both dressed in Adidas gear to celebrate the year of honor, and rocked faces. He performed a good amount of the stuff off the new album, but also some Soul Position material and other jams. Fess (Print's partner in Greenhouse Effect) came out to rock a couple songs, including their interpolation of "Shook Ones, Part II," which was sweet. The set ended with some not-originally-planned songs, including "Big Girls Need Love Too" from the new album, screamed for by Sara of Fat Girls by the Snack Table, which was awesome. Twas an entertaining show.

"UNNNNNNNNNDERRRRRRDOGGGGGGGGGG"

Yes, Andy and I made the trek to the Beachland Tavern in Cleveland on Friday night to see the best live rock band in the land, The Dirtbombs. As usual, they did not disappoint. First up was Dayton's Murder Your Darlings, which was basically the perfect hard rock set. As Nappius and I discussed later, there are many terms that get bandied about for loud, heavy rock, but the sound that these four dudes emitted Friday night was exactly what I wanted to hear when I was prepared for "hard rock" or "heavy metal." Awesome. Also, we realized that the lead singer works the door at Little Brothers (he was doing so the next day), and he is a nice guy when you're not the next idiot in line to get in the door and you are instead praising his band. Next up was The Drop Dead Sons, who rocked some organ garage rock with a two-screen movie display behind them. One side was 1960s era movie trailers running in reverse, including some awesome titles including "How To Commit Marriage" and "The Gang That Couldn't Shoot Straight." The other screen had old footage of weird documentaries and vintage stunts, which was funny. Oh yeah, there was vintage wrestling footage at the onset, killer. The band rocked, but Andy and I were much too distracted by the screens to pay too much attention. Finally, Detroit's Dirtbombs came on to kill shit. The usual lineup was slightly altered, with bassist Troy Gregory absent and Deanne Iovan, lead singer of The Come-Ons, filling in for him. Of course, Troy sings "I'm Through With White Girls," so we didn't hear it again. Maybe next time. Otherwise, they played all the requisite jams, and some catchy new ones. Then I laid down some scrilla on flashy new recordings. Damn. Helluva time.

On Wednesday, I walked over to Casa Gameboy here in Clintonville to see the Fred Lonberg-Holm Trio. Lonberg-Holm has orchestrated string sections on some Wilco albums, along with some other bands, so that's cool. He played cello, and was joined by a bassist and a drummer. Quite the interesting set. They only played about 40 minutes, which consisted of two songs. The first one was a half-hour jam, which included alot of weird and alot of groove. I guess at least part of it was a Rahsaan Roland Kirk song, which was noted by one of the audience members between songs. All members of the trio played some "freak out" parts (my term) at times, but the drummer was the freakiest. He had a bunch of small cymbals and things, but the coolest was some sort of reed that he would wet with his fingers and then move his fingers down it on top of the snare to make noise. Interesting. The second song was simply the best cover of 1960s pop tune "Forever My Love" EVAR. A nice long groove, with a smattering of avant-garde. Good times. Check out this site for more info on Gameboy Records.

Well, that's all he wrote. Come to the Ravari on Tuesday, maybe Little Bros on Weds for another System Link hip-hop smorgasbord, and Ruby Tuesdays and/or Cafe Bourbon St on Thursday for shows mentioned in the comments below. ROCK!!!

A shot of conviction to the neck

Yes, as I said last time, a grand era in Patton family car history is over. And, for the record, Abele was slightly wrong, or at least inexhaustive, in one of his grand remembrances of the Goose. My clearest, most awesome memory of that mystery guy in the Hardees drive thru was the time that they were out of ketchup packets, and we NEEDED ketchup. So he took a small styrofoam container and filled it with ketchup. It was the best fast-food service ever. Anyway, the car pictured above is my new car, a silver 2001 Toyota Camry LE (kinda). Its lack of character (compared to the immense presence of The Goose) has already been lamented, but just call it the Silver Stallion and you'll get used to it, OK? Good.

Man, you know I was there!

The Apollo Sunshine Express hit Little Brothers Wednesday night, and despite other tempting options (well, one, the Hella show), I could not resist seeing the Boston boys for the seventh time. I arrived during local band Twin Cam's set, and I enjoyed their power-pop-rock 'n roll. Greenlawn Abbey, a Columbus band led by that tall guy I often see at shows, was also good rockins. It was good to see both of these bands for the first time. Apollo Sunshine has added a fourth member (that guy in the back of the picture above) named Sean, and he seems to be pretty talented in the ol' "I'll trade this here guitar for that there bass if you play vibes and you kick the steel geetar" scheme of things. It was my first time hearing their new material, and it rocked. Lots more quirky rock songs, and folky rock songs, and rocky rock songs. There was a decent crowd there, and folks were having a good time, even when commanded to dance. I think the reason that I like this band alot and have seen them 7 times finally hit me (literally): You can tell they have a strong sense of conviction about their music. They really mean it. Maybe that's bullshit, but I think it's true. Anyhoo, the highlight for me was when the last song ended and Jeremy's drumstick flew out of his hand and hit me in the neck! Well, I guess that's not a real highlight, but it's a cool souvenir. And oh yeah, Don B (Batman guy) sang both "Batman" and "Louie Louie" with the guys, and Jesse reminisced about him singing "Batman" at their first Columbus gig at Bernie's three years ago. Good show indeed.

Wow, I guess rock has been slow as of late. When your #1 rockin' sidekick is on the DL (not down low, the REAL DL), it gets tough. Chops and I have rocked "Funky Thursdays" at the Ravari Room the last two weeks, and it's been hot. Mikey G, RawDog, & The Latino Pimp have been cookin with gas! They seem to be doing lots of Thursdays, like next week, so give 'em a shot!

Song of the Week

Crown Royals - "All Night Burner," All Night Burner

Estrus Records isn't known as the home of funky soul, but some vintage Crown Royals tunes are pretty funky. Greasy modern organ funk is always a welcome thing.

Well, that's about all I got. If you have any suggestions to liven up this fair blog, or something that would encourage some sort of dialogue, I'm all ears.

You Thought All Those Other Deaths Were Bad...

R.I.P. "The Grey Goose," 1986 Oldsmobile Cutlass Ciera, 1986-2005

Yeah, Happy St. Patty's Day. Above is a likeness (not an actual photo) of my beloved car of the past four years. Over the weekend, some fuckhead (much like his fuckhead ancestor of two years ago - Darwin is still trying to work with the fuckheads) tried to steal my car. Yes, that car. I guess it is popular for parts, since there are still millions of the same/similar cars on the road. Anyway, they ruined the steering column and it turned out that the cost of repairing the column was more than the determined value of the car...so it's totaled. The value was found to be $825, which I thought was pretty good, and I will end up with about $780. I saw it for the last time yesterday, which was pretty sad. I will have many fond memories of that car (and some not-so-fond ones) for a long time. Feel free to post your memories of the Grey Goose below, OK?

Rockzilla!
Last night, System Link put on another awesome event, basically a dance party starring J. Rawls and Dante Carfagna behind the wheels of steel. Davekwon and I went out and rocked it hard. As usual, Numeric, Ginsu, & Detox kicked off the festivities with jams we really didn't hear. J. Rawls, of Lone Catalysts and his own solo albums fame, spun a great set of classic/current hip-hop. The rather solid crowd was getting into it, which was awesome to see. There was a large population of b-boys at the show (Street Symphony performed some breakin routines between sets, watch video here), and they were obviously enjoying the jams. Then Dante came on and played some serious funk, which was to be expected. It was another cool System Link event, and there seem to be more to come.
On Monday, I made an appearance at Cafe Bourbon Street as Cool Brother Kyle, aka Kyle, owner of Lost Weekend, the coolest record store within walking distance, was spinning records with Captain Lonesome. I'm jealous of the fact that Kyle has an early-'80s reissue of Capsoul Records' greatest hits, and started out his set with everyone's favorite song, "Sock It to Em, Soul Brother," by Bill Moss. Good times.
On Saturday, Renkes, Chops, and I caught some of Formerly Quarters' set at Larry's, and it was a rockin' good time. They definitely impressed me alot more than the last time. Some smokin covers and some meaty originals. Now that's a solid rock band.

When Your Roots Attack...

Yeah, let's hope this is good. I think some Norwegian deathjazz should get me going, along with whatever the hell Fevergreens by fellow Norwegian Jono El Grande (yes Abele, of course I bought it for the name) is. Those two should show up tomorrow.

Well, keep drinking green beer for another few hours, because it's only Friday tomorrow, and Fridays are (or should be) easy.